What a year

• Posted by Suzy Whyte November 28, 2022 Filed in Member's Blogs 501 views
  click to rate

  This is my first blog, and thought I’d write this as 2022 has been a somewhat strange year.

  As some are aware, Suzy has been around for a few years, first registered back in 2008 on this sites predecessor.  Unfortunately at the end of 2015, I had a complete purge.  Everything went and I disappeared, that was until lockdown.  Since then Suzy reappeared and if I’m honest I’ve struggled mentally with it all.

  anyway fast forward to this year.  I’ve been receiving counselling since January, and it’s been difficult coming to terms with who I am.  Won’t sugar coat it, it has been tough at times, but I’m in a much better place, but long way to go.

  I came out to my partner and a close friend.  One went well, one certainly did not.  My partner absolutely hates the idea, and is not supportive in the slightest.  My friend on the other hand was the exact opposite, even offering to take me for coffee if I wanted.  I even introduced Suzy, via zoom to my friend and she loved seeing Suzy and that felt wonderful.  I also introduced my counsellor to Suzy, and we have had several sessions with both identities.  Being able to share Suzy with such people has been truly liberating, but also very daunting.

  So where has this taken me this year……..well, having spent more time dressed, due to the way the timing works on my counselling sessions, I’ve felt more at ease and more comfortable in both my male and female persona.  So much so, that in August, I ventured outside for the first time since 2015.  So what, you might say, as I’ve been on nights out and been to a tgirl club in the past.  Well this time I left the house fully dressed, and in broad daylight.  That was exciting and terrifying as my neighbours could have seen me, and questions would have been asked.  If that wasn’t scary enough, I went into an Argos shop to collect an order from my male side.  The staff in there were lovely, and treated me as they would any other customer.  The same happened at Sainsburys when I went for petrol, and I felt fantastic and so happy as I drove home.  From what I can tell, none of my neighbours saw me.

  I went out again in mid October, but this time as I was driving I suddenly felt very self conscious and almost panicky.  My hands were shaking as I paid for my fuel, but again the staff were lovely.  That was the good and not so good side of going out.  It hasn’t deterred me, and next opportunity I will go back out and about.

  so this year has been a mixed bag, but on the whole I’m a happier, more relaxed and at ease with myself person.  Suzy has grown and I’m hoping to keep growing .

  thank you for reading this

  hugs Suzy xxx