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  • 17 Oct 2017
    Background Pre-College I first tried on “girl clothes” when I was 6 or 7 years old starting with my older sister’s ballet costumes. At first dressing up was innocuous and my parents thought it was funny, cute, etc. so I would show everyone when I dressed up. My whole life since as far back as I can remember I imagined what it would be like if I had been a girl and thought about whether or not I should have been. Eventually I was chastised for dressing up and was made to feel very ashamed for wanting to wear what my sister wore so I was commanded to stop, so I did as I was told… at least in front of anyone. I continued to dress whenever I was alone and there were a few times that my sister caught me, but I was able to play it off as something she would be less offended by other than “cross dressing.” College Years Once I got to college, I had to quit doing that because there was no way to do it without getting caught living in the dorms and such. One thing to keep in mind in all this is the way I was raised. My mother passed away when I was 10 years old leaving my dad to take care of an 11 yr old girl and a 10 year old “boy,” and he stayed unmarried until long after I went to college. We were raised Catholic and my father is quite conservative and was a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force which meant a very strict living environment and one that is not big on LGBT equality. To give you an idea of what my living situation was like, at 17 when I went off to college and when I came back to visit I had a bedtime of 10pm. Not a curfew, not a “be home at 10”, it was a “be in bed at 10.” I didn’t even consider I was trans for the longest time for a number of reasons. For one, I lived such a sheltered life that I didn’t even know that being transgender or transitioning was even a thing since I didn’t have internet access outside of school until I got to college. I had thought I just enjoyed cross dressing and it was a fetish that I had to hide from everyone. Post grad school over the summer I had a month alone; the house to myself. I had no possibility of anyone catching me and I didn’t have to go to work or anything, that’s when I learned it was different from crossdressing and I discovered that I was trans. Post Doctorate I knew most of my family, especially my dad would do anything he could to change my mind or stop me from taking hormone replacement therapy or transitioning at all so I decided to start it without telling anyone. I started in June 14th and came out to my sister around Halloween. She initially tried to be supportive and even though that support wouldn’t last more than a month or two, I don’t know how I would have been able to tell my family had she not been there. For Thanksgiving, the remainder of my family all come together to celebrate the holidays. I decided that 5 months in on HRT was long enough that I couldn’t get talked into de-transitioning and chose the day after Thanksgiving to come out to my whole family all at once, like ripping off a bandaid. Coming Out The Reveal I knew that it wasn’t going to go over well and didn’t want to have several events like the one I knew was about to happen. I tried to tell them that I was trans at first, but either they didn’t believe me and thought I was joking or they just didn’t want to believe me. Telling them directly that I was trans just wasn’t going to work. After that failed, I went to the guest room I was staying in and changed clothes then went to the bathroom to put on makeup and when I was done I walked out into the room where everyone was and everyone was got silent and sat there in silence with stunned disbelief across their faces. My dad didn’t say a word, he just got up and went to the bar area and poured himself a really strong drink and started drinking it really fast as he walked away to the back patio to smoke his pipe. I went and grabbed my things – I had everything packed already fearing this outcome so that I could just get out of there quickly. The Fallout It was near freezing outside but my heart was pounding and I was sweating bullets from the anxiety. I got in the car and drove to pick up a nearby friend after she got off work and we got back to her house and then it hit me and I just broke down and cried in the middle of the street outside her house. When I got home later that night after three hours of driving I had an email from my dad asking me how I could do this to him, what had he done to deserve me doing this to him, why would I throw away everything just to get back at him for whatever he did, and to disinvite me home for Christmas. What stung even more was when I got a Christmas Card in the mail from my dad and step mom saying they were sorry that we couldn’t come home for Christmas. None of my family talks to me anymore except on rare occasions my sister and only since the hurricane was close to where I live did my dad call to see if I was ok. It wouldn’t be until December that I would come out at work and fully out to the world. That, however, is a whole other story.
    21 Posted by Shana Clifford
  • Background Pre-College I first tried on “girl clothes” when I was 6 or 7 years old starting with my older sister’s ballet costumes. At first dressing up was innocuous and my parents thought it was funny, cute, etc. so I would show everyone when I dressed up. My whole life since as far back as I can remember I imagined what it would be like if I had been a girl and thought about whether or not I should have been. Eventually I was chastised for dressing up and was made to feel very ashamed for wanting to wear what my sister wore so I was commanded to stop, so I did as I was told… at least in front of anyone. I continued to dress whenever I was alone and there were a few times that my sister caught me, but I was able to play it off as something she would be less offended by other than “cross dressing.” College Years Once I got to college, I had to quit doing that because there was no way to do it without getting caught living in the dorms and such. One thing to keep in mind in all this is the way I was raised. My mother passed away when I was 10 years old leaving my dad to take care of an 11 yr old girl and a 10 year old “boy,” and he stayed unmarried until long after I went to college. We were raised Catholic and my father is quite conservative and was a Lt. Colonel in the Air Force which meant a very strict living environment and one that is not big on LGBT equality. To give you an idea of what my living situation was like, at 17 when I went off to college and when I came back to visit I had a bedtime of 10pm. Not a curfew, not a “be home at 10”, it was a “be in bed at 10.” I didn’t even consider I was trans for the longest time for a number of reasons. For one, I lived such a sheltered life that I didn’t even know that being transgender or transitioning was even a thing since I didn’t have internet access outside of school until I got to college. I had thought I just enjoyed cross dressing and it was a fetish that I had to hide from everyone. Post grad school over the summer I had a month alone; the house to myself. I had no possibility of anyone catching me and I didn’t have to go to work or anything, that’s when I learned it was different from crossdressing and I discovered that I was trans. Post Doctorate I knew most of my family, especially my dad would do anything he could to change my mind or stop me from taking hormone replacement therapy or transitioning at all so I decided to start it without telling anyone. I started in June 14th and came out to my sister around Halloween. She initially tried to be supportive and even though that support wouldn’t last more than a month or two, I don’t know how I would have been able to tell my family had she not been there. For Thanksgiving, the remainder of my family all come together to celebrate the holidays. I decided that 5 months in on HRT was long enough that I couldn’t get talked into de-transitioning and chose the day after Thanksgiving to come out to my whole family all at once, like ripping off a bandaid. Coming Out The Reveal I knew that it wasn’t going to go over well and didn’t want to have several events like the one I knew was about to happen. I tried to tell them that I was trans at first, but either they didn’t believe me and thought I was joking or they just didn’t want to believe me. Telling them directly that I was trans just wasn’t going to work. After that failed, I went to the guest room I was staying in and changed clothes then went to the bathroom to put on makeup and when I was done I walked out into the room where everyone was and everyone was got silent and sat there in silence with stunned disbelief across their faces. My dad didn’t say a word, he just got up and went to the bar area and poured himself a really strong drink and started drinking it really fast as he walked away to the back patio to smoke his pipe. I went and grabbed my things – I had everything packed already fearing this outcome so that I could just get out of there quickly. The Fallout It was near freezing outside but my heart was pounding and I was sweating bullets from the anxiety. I got in the car and drove to pick up a nearby friend after she got off work and we got back to her house and then it hit me and I just broke down and cried in the middle of the street outside her house. When I got home later that night after three hours of driving I had an email from my dad asking me how I could do this to him, what had he done to deserve me doing this to him, why would I throw away everything just to get back at him for whatever he did, and to disinvite me home for Christmas. What stung even more was when I got a Christmas Card in the mail from my dad and step mom saying they were sorry that we couldn’t come home for Christmas. None of my family talks to me anymore except on rare occasions my sister and only since the hurricane was close to where I live did my dad call to see if I was ok. It wouldn’t be until December that I would come out at work and fully out to the world. That, however, is a whole other story.
    Oct 17, 2017 21
  • 13 Oct 2017
    Up for option at present but hopefully weekday or weekend overnight stay at mine in November for anyone up for a girly night and a few drinks plus a movie or two he he. exact date to be confirmed asap   Lisa xox to ya all
    15 Posted by Lisa x
  • By Lisa x
    Up for option at present but hopefully weekday or weekend overnight stay at mine in November for anyone up for a girly night and a few drinks plus a movie or two he he. exact date to be confirmed asap   Lisa xox to ya all
    Oct 13, 2017 15
  • 30 Sep 2017
    Oh where do I begin? It's been a few months since I wrote anything last. Haven't really been up to it. Said briefly, I am lonely and isolated and the situation isn't changing fast enough.  I recently wrote an entry about a cat of mine that I had to put to down because she was hit by a car Monday of last week. This isn't about that. It is however more of my moaning about life as it is at present. Please note, I try to stay upbeat, but it isn't easy. Honestly, if it were not for my cats I would have caved-in long ago (about almost 3 years now). They really help me to keep up my spirits. Sadly, I live in Southern Norway still. I have made approximately 0 friends since I moved here. I did almost lose one friend back in august. She sort of bought the farm and almost killed herself in a moment of paranoid delusional thinking. Fortunately, she says that the she will be fine, but she has some scars from the burns on her back, legs, and arms. It's not been the best of years to be honest.  I am honestly working on getting out of here. The latest plan is to try to get a drivers license, but there are many complications with that. However, the freedom it would bring would be a huge relief. I would be able to drive just about anywhere. Who knows since I live so close to Kristiansand and there is a ferry to Denmark, maybe I drive to visit some people in the UK. It isn't as if I do not know how to drive. I am just a bit out of practice. It is like riding a bicycle though. You never forget. I just need to pass the stupid theory exam and then take two or three course, one is ice driving, the other is safety, and i think maybe a third if I want to be able to haul a trailer the so-called B96 licence. I would then be able to move somewhere else. Of course, I do not know where I would move to. Transition is a funny and sad thing to do on your own. Partly because I cannot impress myself, thus I do not dress to impress. I just wear what I feel is good enough to get the job done. I have been accused of dressing androgynous by both my doctor, rikshospitalet, and therapist.  Oh did I mention yet that I have been referred back to therapy? Because apparently, I need a case handler. Norway is so unbelievably terrified about false positives that they go to great lengths to deny people. I am not the only one in this country to encounter this. Just recently, I was reading a thread on /r/transgender about Norway being such a horrible country to transition in. The gatekeepers are horrid. Last time it went tits up and I yelled in exasperation as I was confused for another patient. Let the following situation sit with you for a moment. I was sitting there, expecting to finally hear those "okay, you're in" words. What I got instead was "tell me about your childhood" and I said, no this is crap. I've been over this 6 times before it's in my file. I was then asked about self-harm, to which I was genuinely confused. I don't self-harm I said. What about when you checked yourself into Lier Hospital for that, she said matter-of-factly. I was like what are you talking about woman!? I did no such thing. Then she asks me if I have a history of amnesia or forgetting things. Seriously. Oh, but it didn't stop there, she then asks about how I told them last time that I thought I might be HIV Positive. I threw my hands up in exasperation and said I was going. I said, no, I told them that my brother was HIV positive, but taking medications to keep it suppressed. I never said I had. "I'll call the hospital when we are done to confirm," was all she said. So, I left rather gutted. As things turn out, they had "accidentally" mixed some other trans patients records in with mine. If I was a lesser person, I would have said this to the Newspaper, but I know better than that. I do not want to go to the papers to tell them that some other transwoman patient has these problems. Good grief, the poor woman doesn't need to read about that in the papers! Other things happening this year well, I became a mother to 4 young kittens. Three girls and one Boy. They are all great. Teenagers now. So, I now have 6 cats. One of them I actually own, but I just cannot get rid of the others. Well, I could if I really had to. They are all sweet and like humans. Living in the rural countryside hasn't helped anything. At least there is the bus.  Also, today is my birthday, so I thought I would write about how things are. Folks, I live in Norways Bible Belt. I live less than 150 meters from a church and Christian Meeting Hall. I only moved here because of a friend, who then later moved to the Netherlands and set herself alight. I have an appointment in two weeks time at the Rikshospitalet. I wonder what sort of nonsense they will try to come up with this time? I really wish that I could say that I went out with Caroline, Karoline, Debra, Casey, or any number of you fine ladies this weekend so I would have something to talk about. I have been working on a few projects with my ex-wife, well, she does 90% of the actual work. I just seem to sit here and twiddle my thumbs. Electronics things. The latest idea is a robotic arm and our own 3-axis pcb engraver/milling machine. I won't go on about that. I did buy some new make up some YSL eyeliner and some M.A.C. Matte Lipsticks. Really, I need to get more proper stuff and learn how to properly do make up. As for clothes. I am a coward when it comes to shopping for things except for food and electronics and general stuff. I freeze the second I get near a clothing store! Maybe in time I will. For now, I buy things on the internet. Well, ta ta for now! Hugs and Kisses, Rachel xxx
    45 Posted by Rachel Maxwell
  • Oh where do I begin? It's been a few months since I wrote anything last. Haven't really been up to it. Said briefly, I am lonely and isolated and the situation isn't changing fast enough.  I recently wrote an entry about a cat of mine that I had to put to down because she was hit by a car Monday of last week. This isn't about that. It is however more of my moaning about life as it is at present. Please note, I try to stay upbeat, but it isn't easy. Honestly, if it were not for my cats I would have caved-in long ago (about almost 3 years now). They really help me to keep up my spirits. Sadly, I live in Southern Norway still. I have made approximately 0 friends since I moved here. I did almost lose one friend back in august. She sort of bought the farm and almost killed herself in a moment of paranoid delusional thinking. Fortunately, she says that the she will be fine, but she has some scars from the burns on her back, legs, and arms. It's not been the best of years to be honest.  I am honestly working on getting out of here. The latest plan is to try to get a drivers license, but there are many complications with that. However, the freedom it would bring would be a huge relief. I would be able to drive just about anywhere. Who knows since I live so close to Kristiansand and there is a ferry to Denmark, maybe I drive to visit some people in the UK. It isn't as if I do not know how to drive. I am just a bit out of practice. It is like riding a bicycle though. You never forget. I just need to pass the stupid theory exam and then take two or three course, one is ice driving, the other is safety, and i think maybe a third if I want to be able to haul a trailer the so-called B96 licence. I would then be able to move somewhere else. Of course, I do not know where I would move to. Transition is a funny and sad thing to do on your own. Partly because I cannot impress myself, thus I do not dress to impress. I just wear what I feel is good enough to get the job done. I have been accused of dressing androgynous by both my doctor, rikshospitalet, and therapist.  Oh did I mention yet that I have been referred back to therapy? Because apparently, I need a case handler. Norway is so unbelievably terrified about false positives that they go to great lengths to deny people. I am not the only one in this country to encounter this. Just recently, I was reading a thread on /r/transgender about Norway being such a horrible country to transition in. The gatekeepers are horrid. Last time it went tits up and I yelled in exasperation as I was confused for another patient. Let the following situation sit with you for a moment. I was sitting there, expecting to finally hear those "okay, you're in" words. What I got instead was "tell me about your childhood" and I said, no this is crap. I've been over this 6 times before it's in my file. I was then asked about self-harm, to which I was genuinely confused. I don't self-harm I said. What about when you checked yourself into Lier Hospital for that, she said matter-of-factly. I was like what are you talking about woman!? I did no such thing. Then she asks me if I have a history of amnesia or forgetting things. Seriously. Oh, but it didn't stop there, she then asks about how I told them last time that I thought I might be HIV Positive. I threw my hands up in exasperation and said I was going. I said, no, I told them that my brother was HIV positive, but taking medications to keep it suppressed. I never said I had. "I'll call the hospital when we are done to confirm," was all she said. So, I left rather gutted. As things turn out, they had "accidentally" mixed some other trans patients records in with mine. If I was a lesser person, I would have said this to the Newspaper, but I know better than that. I do not want to go to the papers to tell them that some other transwoman patient has these problems. Good grief, the poor woman doesn't need to read about that in the papers! Other things happening this year well, I became a mother to 4 young kittens. Three girls and one Boy. They are all great. Teenagers now. So, I now have 6 cats. One of them I actually own, but I just cannot get rid of the others. Well, I could if I really had to. They are all sweet and like humans. Living in the rural countryside hasn't helped anything. At least there is the bus.  Also, today is my birthday, so I thought I would write about how things are. Folks, I live in Norways Bible Belt. I live less than 150 meters from a church and Christian Meeting Hall. I only moved here because of a friend, who then later moved to the Netherlands and set herself alight. I have an appointment in two weeks time at the Rikshospitalet. I wonder what sort of nonsense they will try to come up with this time? I really wish that I could say that I went out with Caroline, Karoline, Debra, Casey, or any number of you fine ladies this weekend so I would have something to talk about. I have been working on a few projects with my ex-wife, well, she does 90% of the actual work. I just seem to sit here and twiddle my thumbs. Electronics things. The latest idea is a robotic arm and our own 3-axis pcb engraver/milling machine. I won't go on about that. I did buy some new make up some YSL eyeliner and some M.A.C. Matte Lipsticks. Really, I need to get more proper stuff and learn how to properly do make up. As for clothes. I am a coward when it comes to shopping for things except for food and electronics and general stuff. I freeze the second I get near a clothing store! Maybe in time I will. For now, I buy things on the internet. Well, ta ta for now! Hugs and Kisses, Rachel xxx
    Sep 30, 2017 45
  • 16 Sep 2017
    Hi gang, as you know we are constantly trying to improve everything about Transtastic but it's an ongoing job, a bit like painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge.  It never stops.We have not been idle in the last week.  Apart from fixing a few annoying little bugs we also attempted to install our new Safe Feed system which should prevent Adult pics from appearing in the activity Feed on our main logged-in page for those who have selected the moderated feed.Unfortunately, the new code gobbled up all of our server's memory and made it crash so it was removed and the developers are now trying to figure out what went wrong.  Hopefully, they will have it fixed in the next few days.And in the last few hours we attempted to upgrade our PHP version from 5.x to 7.1.  That should make the site faster all round and reduce page load times by quite a lot.However, it appears that some things on the site are not compliant with PHP 7.1 and a number of features (like the chat room) have simply stopped working.  We'll need to go through each one in turn and fix whatever is wrong. Sorry, it may take a few days. Don't you hate computers! On the upside, our pages should now be loading much faster than before though.Please bear with us while this important work takes place and things will be better on the other side. Hugs,Katie   :)
    46 Posted by Katie Glover
  • Hi gang, as you know we are constantly trying to improve everything about Transtastic but it's an ongoing job, a bit like painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge.  It never stops.We have not been idle in the last week.  Apart from fixing a few annoying little bugs we also attempted to install our new Safe Feed system which should prevent Adult pics from appearing in the activity Feed on our main logged-in page for those who have selected the moderated feed.Unfortunately, the new code gobbled up all of our server's memory and made it crash so it was removed and the developers are now trying to figure out what went wrong.  Hopefully, they will have it fixed in the next few days.And in the last few hours we attempted to upgrade our PHP version from 5.x to 7.1.  That should make the site faster all round and reduce page load times by quite a lot.However, it appears that some things on the site are not compliant with PHP 7.1 and a number of features (like the chat room) have simply stopped working.  We'll need to go through each one in turn and fix whatever is wrong. Sorry, it may take a few days. Don't you hate computers! On the upside, our pages should now be loading much faster than before though.Please bear with us while this important work takes place and things will be better on the other side. Hugs,Katie   :)
    Sep 16, 2017 46
  • 05 Sep 2017
    Liveing  as  a  Cd  has  always been  fun but  often we  get  so  busy  with  our  lives we  sometimes  forget  to  take  time for  ourselves. I  don't get  to  dress as  often as I 'd   like  to and sometimes I  just  don't  feel  like  it .  When I  get the  chance to  just  be  myself as  "Karen" and  just  go  out It  feels  so  wonderful.  The  feeling I  get is  like  the weight  of the world is  off  my  shoulders and I  feel free from the  problems but  it  don't take  long befor its  time to  return to the real  world .    I  ofen wonder about others here who  feel as  I  do and just want  to  get away from our problems  this way  ?
    73 Posted by Karen Tea
  • Liveing  as  a  Cd  has  always been  fun but  often we  get  so  busy  with  our  lives we  sometimes  forget  to  take  time for  ourselves. I  don't get  to  dress as  often as I 'd   like  to and sometimes I  just  don't  feel  like  it .  When I  get the  chance to  just  be  myself as  "Karen" and  just  go  out It  feels  so  wonderful.  The  feeling I  get is  like  the weight  of the world is  off  my  shoulders and I  feel free from the  problems but  it  don't take  long befor its  time to  return to the real  world .    I  ofen wonder about others here who  feel as  I  do and just want  to  get away from our problems  this way  ?
    Sep 05, 2017 73
  • 03 Sep 2017
    Well its been a year since the last update, so I had better fill in some of the gaps. Next month I will be getting my second opinion for refferal surgery.Should be a given, but you never know. The hormones are doing their job, I cry at the drop of a hat !!! I have had the NHS funded speach coaching, wothwhile if you have the chance, also NHS funded , facial electrolysis, 24hrs worth, painfull but well worthwhile, this has been supplemented with laser hair removal that  I have funded myself. Work is going well, I am spending alot of time there and outside championing LGBT rights,and I help run a Transgender Support Group that has really taken off this year.I helped make a film for work that shows the benefits of a diverse and inclusive workforce, that has now been shown to 50,000+ employee's And I have just had breast augmentation, so all in all, things are going pretty damm well   Love Simone x      
    80 Posted by Simone Jo
  • Well its been a year since the last update, so I had better fill in some of the gaps. Next month I will be getting my second opinion for refferal surgery.Should be a given, but you never know. The hormones are doing their job, I cry at the drop of a hat !!! I have had the NHS funded speach coaching, wothwhile if you have the chance, also NHS funded , facial electrolysis, 24hrs worth, painfull but well worthwhile, this has been supplemented with laser hair removal that  I have funded myself. Work is going well, I am spending alot of time there and outside championing LGBT rights,and I help run a Transgender Support Group that has really taken off this year.I helped make a film for work that shows the benefits of a diverse and inclusive workforce, that has now been shown to 50,000+ employee's And I have just had breast augmentation, so all in all, things are going pretty damm well   Love Simone x      
    Sep 03, 2017 80

Top Blogs

  • 18 Dec 2014
    The Gender Clinic   2009 I had decided enough was enough. I needed help with this horrid transgendered curse which was doing its best to wreck my life. First stop GP. She was great. Second stop a selection of shrinks who referred me to the Gender Clinic as well as diagnosing me as pretty mental. First appointment was a long wait. But when it came it was quite nice being able to spill my guts out to an expert. I think I've been maybe 6 times now. During this period I've changed my name am dosed up on high levels of hormones and lifes great.   A Summary Of Yesterdays Appointment   I love hormones. The serenity from having near zero testosterone in my body. My bits don't work at all anymore which I couldn't care less about. I cannot be arsed with having my bits cut off and i don't like fannies anyway. I'm very single because I haven't got a clue about my sexual orientation and I'm not going to inflict that on anyone, but I do have a cat. People don't treat me as female, but they don't treat me as male either, i'm just different, which I like. I've had mainly very positive reactions to my gender choices. I am reintegrated into regular society. I'm no longer a webcam 'girl'.  My body has become very feminine which does confuse people. Sometimes I wear makeup and a hairpiece sometimes I don't, depends on my mood. Basically I'm a contented little tranny.   Bye Bye   So I'm exactly where I want to be with it all. The happiest I have been in years. So subsequently I have been told I don't have to go anymore. Their job is done, GP still deals with blood tests, hormones etc but thats it. I guess I'm what they would describe as a success story. So apart from one incident in there I have to say thanks to them as they have really helped me turn my life around.
    37 Posted by Mia Wallace
  • The Gender Clinic   2009 I had decided enough was enough. I needed help with this horrid transgendered curse which was doing its best to wreck my life. First stop GP. She was great. Second stop a selection of shrinks who referred me to the Gender Clinic as well as diagnosing me as pretty mental. First appointment was a long wait. But when it came it was quite nice being able to spill my guts out to an expert. I think I've been maybe 6 times now. During this period I've changed my name am dosed up on high levels of hormones and lifes great.   A Summary Of Yesterdays Appointment   I love hormones. The serenity from having near zero testosterone in my body. My bits don't work at all anymore which I couldn't care less about. I cannot be arsed with having my bits cut off and i don't like fannies anyway. I'm very single because I haven't got a clue about my sexual orientation and I'm not going to inflict that on anyone, but I do have a cat. People don't treat me as female, but they don't treat me as male either, i'm just different, which I like. I've had mainly very positive reactions to my gender choices. I am reintegrated into regular society. I'm no longer a webcam 'girl'.  My body has become very feminine which does confuse people. Sometimes I wear makeup and a hairpiece sometimes I don't, depends on my mood. Basically I'm a contented little tranny.   Bye Bye   So I'm exactly where I want to be with it all. The happiest I have been in years. So subsequently I have been told I don't have to go anymore. Their job is done, GP still deals with blood tests, hormones etc but thats it. I guess I'm what they would describe as a success story. So apart from one incident in there I have to say thanks to them as they have really helped me turn my life around.
    Dec 18, 2014 37
  • 13 Oct 2013
    Is it me?   Well not sure how to put this but here goes. Is it me or does anyone else feel that those who have gone through the full transition Don’t feel they fit in any more I have had 2 friends who have had the full transition and have left here Due to the way they are spoken to and both have a gone through what a lot of us are aiming to do And have great advice and are both counselling other trans girls in different stages of the journey I know they do as I do think in some way this fabulous site has taken a turn to more Fetish Cross Dressing which yes is all part of the trans scene in ways. 50 shades of grey doesn’t cut it here it’s more like 500 shades of grey lol But I do feel upset that friends and other post op girls who yes are now women feel they don’t belong I do say live and let live for all walks of life but it does come to a shock in ways to me that We have in a word discrimination against each other here Why can’t we all get along I have said before in the immortal words of high school musical   “We’re all in this together” so let’s start being united in what we do To quote a friend who has left “Peace love and lip gloss” Hugs xxamyxx 
    35 Posted by Amymichelle Morris
  • Is it me?   Well not sure how to put this but here goes. Is it me or does anyone else feel that those who have gone through the full transition Don’t feel they fit in any more I have had 2 friends who have had the full transition and have left here Due to the way they are spoken to and both have a gone through what a lot of us are aiming to do And have great advice and are both counselling other trans girls in different stages of the journey I know they do as I do think in some way this fabulous site has taken a turn to more Fetish Cross Dressing which yes is all part of the trans scene in ways. 50 shades of grey doesn’t cut it here it’s more like 500 shades of grey lol But I do feel upset that friends and other post op girls who yes are now women feel they don’t belong I do say live and let live for all walks of life but it does come to a shock in ways to me that We have in a word discrimination against each other here Why can’t we all get along I have said before in the immortal words of high school musical   “We’re all in this together” so let’s start being united in what we do To quote a friend who has left “Peace love and lip gloss” Hugs xxamyxx 
    Oct 13, 2013 35
  • 24 Jan 2014
    hi ya just asking i do love albumn suggestions and like looking at pics but please if ya have ya knob out please dont suggest as i like girly shots clothes and make up so you look nice a cock in stockings aint girly . i dont mind if you are into that and dressing is a fetish each to their own    live and let live i say  i dress because i love being a girl i know im a guy (a cock in a frock lol) but i like the illusion  thats why i tuck it away      but i cant or wont hit the like button because ya got ya dangleys out lol and i dont want to appear rude by not liking it so its best all round    big hugs and to coin a phrase a friend of mine uses   peace love and lipgloss xxxxxxx   xxamyxx
    31 Posted by Amymichelle Morris
  • hi ya just asking i do love albumn suggestions and like looking at pics but please if ya have ya knob out please dont suggest as i like girly shots clothes and make up so you look nice a cock in stockings aint girly . i dont mind if you are into that and dressing is a fetish each to their own    live and let live i say  i dress because i love being a girl i know im a guy (a cock in a frock lol) but i like the illusion  thats why i tuck it away      but i cant or wont hit the like button because ya got ya dangleys out lol and i dont want to appear rude by not liking it so its best all round    big hugs and to coin a phrase a friend of mine uses   peace love and lipgloss xxxxxxx   xxamyxx
    Jan 24, 2014 31
  • 14 Mar 2015
    Well today has been somewhat different for me, not only was it my mum's Birthday, but i also took her into The Village for a few drinks this afternoon and then onto velvet for a lovely Birthday meal, I had been promising to take her into Manchester for a long time - So I thought why not!  And yes before you ask, i was in girlie mode. Mum has known about Liz for quite a while now and is very comfortable with the Trans side of me and is always asking if I've bought any new clothes, and most of all hates how good my legs look! I chat to my mum everyday whether that is by text or a phone call, i always do, the thing is my mum like all of your parents and those close to you are not getting any younger, you should always grab the chance to speak to them whenever you can and spend as much time as you can with them. OK today was not the usual party atmosphere that we are accustomed to when we pop into the village on a Saturday, but more of a qualitiy precious time spent chatting in a relaxed environment with the woman who brought me into this world, helping "MUM" celebrate her birthday with Liz and not Ian.  Her words to me as I've just dropped her off at home " I have loved every second of today" like i said quality time.    Myself and Mum in Paddy's  And Mum enjoying another Cider in Via. So folks, wht not get yourselves off out and enjoy the preicous time while you can, you never know what's round the corner. Hugs  Liz and Marion (Mum) x
  • Well today has been somewhat different for me, not only was it my mum's Birthday, but i also took her into The Village for a few drinks this afternoon and then onto velvet for a lovely Birthday meal, I had been promising to take her into Manchester for a long time - So I thought why not!  And yes before you ask, i was in girlie mode. Mum has known about Liz for quite a while now and is very comfortable with the Trans side of me and is always asking if I've bought any new clothes, and most of all hates how good my legs look! I chat to my mum everyday whether that is by text or a phone call, i always do, the thing is my mum like all of your parents and those close to you are not getting any younger, you should always grab the chance to speak to them whenever you can and spend as much time as you can with them. OK today was not the usual party atmosphere that we are accustomed to when we pop into the village on a Saturday, but more of a qualitiy precious time spent chatting in a relaxed environment with the woman who brought me into this world, helping "MUM" celebrate her birthday with Liz and not Ian.  Her words to me as I've just dropped her off at home " I have loved every second of today" like i said quality time.    Myself and Mum in Paddy's  And Mum enjoying another Cider in Via. So folks, wht not get yourselves off out and enjoy the preicous time while you can, you never know what's round the corner. Hugs  Liz and Marion (Mum) x
    Mar 14, 2015 27
  • 16 Aug 2015
    Ok I know this blog isn't full of cock shots and all things kinky - but hey it is a little different! Yesterday myself and Shar went to a wedding reception and in my moment of madness I said "fuck it I'm going in girlie mode". So I started getting ready to the amusement of Shar, saying people won't know where to look, anyway I got ready and off we went, presant in hand. I wasn't feeling nervous, just good to be getting out again, although in a very straight and normal atmosphere. We arrived and I walk straight in greeted Sammy the bride and her new husband, to her amazement it was me Ian - but Liz! Having a mingle with the muggels and a chat to work colleagues, to my amazement no one actually read me apart from my work mates, who knew about Liz but had never actually met for real, apart from my ill fitting shoes being to big - yes to big I had a pleasant evening and it was a change from the norm! The moral to my blog is, if you dress with right attitude then why can't all of you lovely girls get out there and burst the bubble! Till next time, Hugs Liz x
  • Ok I know this blog isn't full of cock shots and all things kinky - but hey it is a little different! Yesterday myself and Shar went to a wedding reception and in my moment of madness I said "fuck it I'm going in girlie mode". So I started getting ready to the amusement of Shar, saying people won't know where to look, anyway I got ready and off we went, presant in hand. I wasn't feeling nervous, just good to be getting out again, although in a very straight and normal atmosphere. We arrived and I walk straight in greeted Sammy the bride and her new husband, to her amazement it was me Ian - but Liz! Having a mingle with the muggels and a chat to work colleagues, to my amazement no one actually read me apart from my work mates, who knew about Liz but had never actually met for real, apart from my ill fitting shoes being to big - yes to big I had a pleasant evening and it was a change from the norm! The moral to my blog is, if you dress with right attitude then why can't all of you lovely girls get out there and burst the bubble! Till next time, Hugs Liz x
    Aug 16, 2015 27
  • 26 Jul 2015
    Preparing for “D-Day” (“D” for “Disclosure”)   Stratford on Avon  May 2015  After Christmas I decided I was going to live out the rest of my life as a woman on a 24/7 basis.  I’m 70 next year and it was ‘now or never’.  For nearly 9 months I had been living as a woman at home and when out and about in the nearby towns but had not ‘come out’ to my friends and acquaintances in the village where I live.   I went dressed as a man when I disclosed my transgenderism to my (lady) doctor but took some photos with me, some dating back more than 50 years, so I could satisfy her this wasn’t just a recent phenomenon and that I hadn’t gone doolally because of my wife’s death early last year.   She was bowled over by the photos and asked me if I would give her make-up lessons so she could look 20 years younger too!    She immediately acceded to my request for a referral to the gender identity clinic (GIC) but then she had no option really, as there are strict NHS protocols and guidelines concerning transgender matters. As luck would have it, my local GIC was immediately next door in the ‘cottage’ hospital on the same campus as my doctor’s surgery; wasn’t I a lucky girl?  This hasn’t quickened up in the slightest the inordinately slow GIC process though.   She also changed my male name on the NHS records to that of my unofficially adopted female name and the NHS now only knows me as a female named Ms Trines Ward. All correspondence comes in that name. Any male doctor wishing to examine me must wheel in a female chaperone for my protection!  Recently I had an emergency operation and the hospital kept insisting I had to be put in a female ward; I only just managed to avoid this as I felt ill women and their visitors would not want to see me in the next bed without wig or make-up! In the male ward I wore androgynous pink and blue short pyjamas but the board above my bed clearly stated ‘Ms Trines Ward—female” as did the labels around my arm and ankle, and the staff punctiliously referred to me amongst staff and patients, as ‘she’ or ‘her’.   Back at the GIC, they informed me it was run by two psychiatrists and I would need a separate assessment consultation with each one before any treatment would be considered. There was a four months’ wait for each session which meant nothing could even begin to happen until October/November!  I thought this was completely out of order and I thoroughly read the two main published guidelines (both are on the net):   1. “Good practice guidelines for the assessment and treatment of adults with gender dysphoria” ref CR181 published by Royal College of Pyschiatrists Oct 2013   2) “Gender dysphoria services: a guide for General Practitioners and other healthcare staff” published by NHS.   These showed me my GIC’s timescales did not comply and some polite but firm letters and phone calls from me got the waits reduced to two months each; still lengthy but within the guidelines.  I can understand caution when dealing with tyros in their late teens/early twenties who might not even have ventured out dressed in public but not when dealing with very long in the tooth, fully experienced trans like me who know precisely where and how far they wish to go.   Both psychiatrists concluded I am fully transsexual and were happy to ‘take me all the way’. I’m not so sure. I’m not body dysphoric as far as my meat and two veg are concerned, in view of my age and recent bereavement I’m not seeking another partner, and neither am I gay so as Trines you might say I’m lesbian, so why would I want to lose my ‘wobbly bits’? I think I will be content to present myself as best I can as a woman even if I continue to have things in my knickers that other girls don’t have!  Provided I tuck no-one else will know whether I’ve had full reassignment or not.  What I want more than anything is feminising hormones so I can have effective facial and body hair removal and benefit from their desirable side-effects although at my age I cannot, unfortunately, expect oestrogen to give me any breast tissue   Meanwhile, I had to tell my three children and their families and then plan going fully public.   Whilst my wife ‘knew’ about me before we married, we agreed to keep it a secret from everyone for the protection both of our children and my wife from the substantial public opprobrium and ridicule they would have suffered, certainly back in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. Indeed, on leaving home in the early 70’s I tried living full-time as a woman but had to give it up after 6 months because of the immense public hostility I suffered and the impossibility of getting a worthwhile job.   I now needed to inform my children of my condition and of my wish to ‘go public’. This would not be easy—and it wasn’t!  I paid for them to have quite expensive sessions with a counsellor experienced in transgender issues and this most definitely helped. All three of them are now fully supportive although my son, in particular, is still having trouble fully coming to terms with the ‘new’ me.  Fortunately there is a huge amount of love in my family and we will get there.   In 'Butch Biker Bitch' mode (Transtastic  photoshoot Feb 2015)   I have grandchildren by two of them and because they were all terribly upset by the death early last year of their granny, and they still are, my children do not want them to go through another bereavement because of the ‘loss’ of their granddad and neither do they want to risk them suffering cyber bullying so, for the time being at least, I have to be ‘granddad’ whenever I see them. I can do this wearing women’s shoes, trousers and tops so it is not too uncomfortable for me. It is a price I will pay if I have to.   With the children informed and ‘on board’ I was now, at long, long last  free to ‘go public’!  I had been planning this for several months as I wanted to try and ensure I would have the best possible result in terms of tolerance and acceptance by my local community.   I have lived in my fairly large village, population just over 2,000, for 15 years, 14 of those with my wife.  I have actively joined in with the local community, trying always to be nice to everyone, performing and directing with the drama society, secretary of the Twinning Association for many years, socialising in the four pubs, playing and umpiring for the cricket team, helping to organise village fetes etc.  In addition, I’ve always had a part-time job as deputy manager of the village’s very busy canal marina, selling boats and organising their big boat rallies and festivals. In addition, as a qualified Boat Master and passenger boat skipper, I give boat handling instruction throughout the inland waterways on my own account.   So I am very well known and, I like to think, well regarded  not only in the village but also through the large and widespread canal community. Coming out to all these many hundreds of people seemed to be a fearsome step to take, something I wasn’t sure I could manage.   I could of course always ‘cut and run’ by selling up, moving to a nice little house in a pleasant town somewhere, presenting myself immediately as Trines.  This way, I would not suffer any ridicule or shunning by people I knew. True. But the whole purpose of my fully transitioning was to be able to lead a full, entertaining and social life as Trines and to be accepted by and join in with my local community. If I moved away, I would not be known and, as an obvious transwoman, I would not make many new friends at all,.  I would be facing a rather lonely remainder of my life.   I didn’t struggle with this decision for very long, I bit the bullet and decided to openly disclose to my village; if it all went disastrously wrong then moving away would be my ‘Plan B’.   Family unity is so important to me I discussed every proposed step with my children and took on board all their suggestions. The doctor already knew, was professionally bound to secrecy and had got the NHS fully on side.   My next step was the vicar. I do have faith but for reasons I will not go into here had never attended the local church except for the occasional wedding and funeral. I knew her well through secular dealings and she had been fantastic over my wife’s funeral. I met her in male mode, told her I would like to start attending church services, that I wouldn’t mind singing in the choir (I knew they were desperately short and had no male voices at all) but there was just one tiny thing, I would be coming as a woman!  She was of course amazed by the news (my male persona is exceptionally masculine), bowled over by my photo’s and couldn’t wait to meet the real me which she did a few days later.   She was all for Trines being an active member of her congregation, brought her wardens confidentially on board for briefing on transgender matters so they could counsel any stroppy church members and got her bishop’s backing she could tell anyone who couldn’t freely accept me to clear off and find a different religion!  A target date of the first week in June was set and until then I would attend church and sing in the choir as a man and she would subliminally prepare everyone by seeding suitable comments about accepting and loving everyone regardless of their differences in the texts of her sermons, bidding prayers and in the Village News!   This now left me free to concentrate on my information leaflet. I had decided I would, the week before my transition, go round in drab to see every one of my friends and important acquaintances and tell them what I was proposing to do, show them some current and very historic photos if they wanted to see them, hope I could rely on their acceptance and continued friendship and leave them with an informative and illustrated leaflet which they could pass on to others if they wished.  This leaflet went through 6 or 7 draft stages and I was careful to include  things my children wanted said. I had 250 of these professionally printed on top quality, thick, glossy bi-folded A4  paper so they could easily withstand being passed around:- (if the type is too small to read, zoom in by pressing 'Ctrl' & '+' together):-   So the last week in May, the week before ‘D-Day’, arrived!   I went round telling all my friends and left them with a leaflet. I saw each pub licensee, leaving  half a dozen copies behind the bar as I was bound to be the village scandal for a few days and also got their promises that if any Neanderthals objected to my presence it would be them asked to leave the pub and not me. I had also booked a personal conference that week with my marina owner and his general manager. They had been on tenterhooks for weeks, fearful I was retiring or moving away. They seemed almost relieved when I told them Tony was becoming Trines, it was almost “Is that all? Thank God for that!” Subject to a private preview of the new me they were, as friends as well as equal opportunity employers, happy for me to continue in the role for them, dealing with the public. I’ve had to have new female uniforms bespoken as nothing off the peg was long enough and I made sure everything hugs my breast, waist and hips shapewear tightly. The office girls are green with envy as I look rather voluptuous and sexy—they have already demanded the same made to measure facility!   That Sunday I was not in church as I was managing the marina. The vicar took the opportunity of telling the congregation about me, how from the following week I would always be Trines,  and apparently spoke so beautifully and movingly on transgenderism  and why I should be embraced by them all,  there were quite a few damp eyes in the house. The wardens distributed my leaflets afterwards.    D - Day ! and its Aftermath   The following Monday, 1st June, Trines made her first public appearance in the village and Tony has never been seen since (except of course a couple of times down in London with the grandchildren).   Against all my fears and trepidation my public disclosure and transition has been an absolutely unbelievable success, beyond my wildest dreams.  I had told myself that if I could retain the goodwill of perhaps a third of my friends then that would be a good and acceptable result, making staying in the village worthwhile.  30%?  It’s greater than 100% as I now have more friends than before because of my transition!   People I’ve not seen before but who have read my leaflet or heard about me have been coming up in the street or pub to shake my hand, commend my bravery and to wish me luck!  I’ve had a rather nasty and emergency operation recently and news of this spread with the result that people, many of them my ’new’ friends, were falling over themselves, offering to drive me to and from hospital or to meet family at Rugby station and take them to visit me—a round trip of about 50 miles!   All my neighbours and friends are still very friendly, I can’t accept all the invites round for coffee etc, there are too many of them. I’m really welcome at church and am possibly the only lady bass in a church choir in the country! The church has put me on their fete committee and wants me to be the PA announcer and dog show commentator at the next one. I continue to work at the marina with no adverse feedback whatsoever from the public. I’ve recently been in charge of safety at the big annual historic boat rally, we get thousands of visitors each day, and had to go round telling loads of boat skippers and others what to do  (it’s like herding cats with them) - they all know me from previous years but if anything they were all nicer, friendlier and more compliant than they’ve ever been!  My boat training business has not dropped off in the slightest, no-one gives my transition a second thought when I inform them. The Twinning Association has asked me to prepare and present their next fund-raising quiz (a big annual event in the village). I’m cast in the next Players’ production, rehearsals start in September.  I’m very welcome in all four pubs and am never short of someone to chat to. I’ve been elected a member of a small, rather exclusive group of ladies who meet every few weeks to cattily swap the latest gossip and scandal whilst getting hammered on G&T!  I have even been asked if I would like to help out at the community-owned tea shop, serving coffee, cakes and conversation to villagers and passing boaters - which I will do after my current convalescence.   If anything my social life as Trines is better than it was for that person I used to be (what was his name?) and it wasn’t bad for him, so much so I think I am losing the need to meet up with my other trans friends as much as I used to. After all, there is nothing so satisfying as being accepted and socialised by ’normal’ people for the girl you are. I shall of course still get to Pink Punters occasionally as I will to Outskirts in Birmingham and come Hell or High Water I am definitely getting to Sparkle next year after it was so cruelly snatched from me this year by a cancerous tumour.   Those of you who’ve managed not to nod off but are still reading this and possibly thinking of transitioning yourselves at some time in the future, might like to have my views on why I think my public disclosure has been so successful.   1. I decided to brazen it out in the locality where I lived and was known, rather than move to a new location. Had it been necessary to move first then I might have delayed my local transition for a year or two so that I could get to know a fair number of people as a man. That would not, of course, have stopped me cross-dressing at home or from going out further afield in female mode.   2. I was well established and well-known in the locality, joined in community activities and, always trying to be a nice guy, I think I was generally well liked. Whilst having to come to terms with a friend’s transgenderism must be more difficult the better someone has known the person as a man, I think there may be that little more pressure to do so because they are a friend; if they were not or hardly known then, to avoid embarrassment or other difficulties I think people might be tempted to more or less ignore the trans, giving perhaps just a smile if meeting in the street.   3. I took my time and planned well!  I had been dressing almost every day since May 2014 at home and when out sight-seeing, shopping or socialising with other trans in towns near and far. I only presented as a man locally when I had to eg for a social function in my village or when I was working in the marina. By the end of the year the urge to go 24/7 was stronger than ever and I realised I had no option but to go for it and disclosed to my GP to get the GIC on my case. I then gave myself 6 months to prepare for ‘D-Day’ (‘Disclosure Day’).   Most reputable websites advise taking disclosure very slowly, telling only a few now, a few more in a couple of weeks and so on. This would not have suited my circumstances. It would have been highly confusing for villagers - and for me - to see me switching between Trines and Tony on a daily basis; it would have to be all, and this would be on 1st June. I brought the vicar on board for genuine reasons but she also was a sounding-board; if she and her wardens had been decidedly ‘iffy’ about it all I probably would have sounded out again with a friend on whom I could rely for discretion or possibly have decided to switch to Plan B (ie ‘cut & run’).   4. I prepared and distributed an information leaflet.   I had tremendously complimentary feedback; many thought this had been a master-stroke. Even a lot of my better educated friends confessed to knowing little or nothing about transgenderism despite the number of high profile cases reported in the press over recent months. They said they thought they would have been much less sympathetic over my situation and proposed actions had they not been able to read and think about it. Some said they would have simply put me down as a ’perv’!  My history dating back to age 4 was genuinely eye-opening to them and made them really want to help me through my transition. It also worked on people who did not know me.  I distributed just under 250 but I know a lot were passed around and perhaps some 500 villagers or more have seen and been quite affected by it. I strongly recommend anyone thinking of transitioning to prepare a similar leaflet.   5. Once I publicly transitioned I really ‘put myself about’.  I realised I would need to socialise as much as I could to reinforce my presence as Trines in the village and to get villagers talking to me. I made sure I visited each pub each week at a peak time. I attended village do’s, some of which I would never have gone to previously, just to make sure I was seen and for the chance to chat to others. I went on more walks around the village, canal and marina in order to meet lots of others. I invited many to my place for a coffee and chat which they either agreed to or invited me to theirs instead.  I will take this up again as soon as my convalescence permits me and rather nicely, I’ve had quite a few offers to mow my lawns and do other heavy household chores.   The inhabitants of my village have really come up trumps; their generosity of spirit has been truly humbling particularly when you consider that at 6ft 3in without heels (and I always wear heels!) a large, wide frame and a profoundly deep voice, I cannot easily 'pass'.   Whether, in view of my cancer, I will ever be allowed feminising hormones or will ever be offered re-assignment surgery has now paled into insignificance for me now that I am living and being widely accepted as the person I am.   I sincerely hope all other girls who publicly transition have family, friends and neighbours as lovely as mine to deal with.   All my love   x x  
    26 Posted by Trines x x
  • Preparing for “D-Day” (“D” for “Disclosure”)   Stratford on Avon  May 2015  After Christmas I decided I was going to live out the rest of my life as a woman on a 24/7 basis.  I’m 70 next year and it was ‘now or never’.  For nearly 9 months I had been living as a woman at home and when out and about in the nearby towns but had not ‘come out’ to my friends and acquaintances in the village where I live.   I went dressed as a man when I disclosed my transgenderism to my (lady) doctor but took some photos with me, some dating back more than 50 years, so I could satisfy her this wasn’t just a recent phenomenon and that I hadn’t gone doolally because of my wife’s death early last year.   She was bowled over by the photos and asked me if I would give her make-up lessons so she could look 20 years younger too!    She immediately acceded to my request for a referral to the gender identity clinic (GIC) but then she had no option really, as there are strict NHS protocols and guidelines concerning transgender matters. As luck would have it, my local GIC was immediately next door in the ‘cottage’ hospital on the same campus as my doctor’s surgery; wasn’t I a lucky girl?  This hasn’t quickened up in the slightest the inordinately slow GIC process though.   She also changed my male name on the NHS records to that of my unofficially adopted female name and the NHS now only knows me as a female named Ms Trines Ward. All correspondence comes in that name. Any male doctor wishing to examine me must wheel in a female chaperone for my protection!  Recently I had an emergency operation and the hospital kept insisting I had to be put in a female ward; I only just managed to avoid this as I felt ill women and their visitors would not want to see me in the next bed without wig or make-up! In the male ward I wore androgynous pink and blue short pyjamas but the board above my bed clearly stated ‘Ms Trines Ward—female” as did the labels around my arm and ankle, and the staff punctiliously referred to me amongst staff and patients, as ‘she’ or ‘her’.   Back at the GIC, they informed me it was run by two psychiatrists and I would need a separate assessment consultation with each one before any treatment would be considered. There was a four months’ wait for each session which meant nothing could even begin to happen until October/November!  I thought this was completely out of order and I thoroughly read the two main published guidelines (both are on the net):   1. “Good practice guidelines for the assessment and treatment of adults with gender dysphoria” ref CR181 published by Royal College of Pyschiatrists Oct 2013   2) “Gender dysphoria services: a guide for General Practitioners and other healthcare staff” published by NHS.   These showed me my GIC’s timescales did not comply and some polite but firm letters and phone calls from me got the waits reduced to two months each; still lengthy but within the guidelines.  I can understand caution when dealing with tyros in their late teens/early twenties who might not even have ventured out dressed in public but not when dealing with very long in the tooth, fully experienced trans like me who know precisely where and how far they wish to go.   Both psychiatrists concluded I am fully transsexual and were happy to ‘take me all the way’. I’m not so sure. I’m not body dysphoric as far as my meat and two veg are concerned, in view of my age and recent bereavement I’m not seeking another partner, and neither am I gay so as Trines you might say I’m lesbian, so why would I want to lose my ‘wobbly bits’? I think I will be content to present myself as best I can as a woman even if I continue to have things in my knickers that other girls don’t have!  Provided I tuck no-one else will know whether I’ve had full reassignment or not.  What I want more than anything is feminising hormones so I can have effective facial and body hair removal and benefit from their desirable side-effects although at my age I cannot, unfortunately, expect oestrogen to give me any breast tissue   Meanwhile, I had to tell my three children and their families and then plan going fully public.   Whilst my wife ‘knew’ about me before we married, we agreed to keep it a secret from everyone for the protection both of our children and my wife from the substantial public opprobrium and ridicule they would have suffered, certainly back in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. Indeed, on leaving home in the early 70’s I tried living full-time as a woman but had to give it up after 6 months because of the immense public hostility I suffered and the impossibility of getting a worthwhile job.   I now needed to inform my children of my condition and of my wish to ‘go public’. This would not be easy—and it wasn’t!  I paid for them to have quite expensive sessions with a counsellor experienced in transgender issues and this most definitely helped. All three of them are now fully supportive although my son, in particular, is still having trouble fully coming to terms with the ‘new’ me.  Fortunately there is a huge amount of love in my family and we will get there.   In 'Butch Biker Bitch' mode (Transtastic  photoshoot Feb 2015)   I have grandchildren by two of them and because they were all terribly upset by the death early last year of their granny, and they still are, my children do not want them to go through another bereavement because of the ‘loss’ of their granddad and neither do they want to risk them suffering cyber bullying so, for the time being at least, I have to be ‘granddad’ whenever I see them. I can do this wearing women’s shoes, trousers and tops so it is not too uncomfortable for me. It is a price I will pay if I have to.   With the children informed and ‘on board’ I was now, at long, long last  free to ‘go public’!  I had been planning this for several months as I wanted to try and ensure I would have the best possible result in terms of tolerance and acceptance by my local community.   I have lived in my fairly large village, population just over 2,000, for 15 years, 14 of those with my wife.  I have actively joined in with the local community, trying always to be nice to everyone, performing and directing with the drama society, secretary of the Twinning Association for many years, socialising in the four pubs, playing and umpiring for the cricket team, helping to organise village fetes etc.  In addition, I’ve always had a part-time job as deputy manager of the village’s very busy canal marina, selling boats and organising their big boat rallies and festivals. In addition, as a qualified Boat Master and passenger boat skipper, I give boat handling instruction throughout the inland waterways on my own account.   So I am very well known and, I like to think, well regarded  not only in the village but also through the large and widespread canal community. Coming out to all these many hundreds of people seemed to be a fearsome step to take, something I wasn’t sure I could manage.   I could of course always ‘cut and run’ by selling up, moving to a nice little house in a pleasant town somewhere, presenting myself immediately as Trines.  This way, I would not suffer any ridicule or shunning by people I knew. True. But the whole purpose of my fully transitioning was to be able to lead a full, entertaining and social life as Trines and to be accepted by and join in with my local community. If I moved away, I would not be known and, as an obvious transwoman, I would not make many new friends at all,.  I would be facing a rather lonely remainder of my life.   I didn’t struggle with this decision for very long, I bit the bullet and decided to openly disclose to my village; if it all went disastrously wrong then moving away would be my ‘Plan B’.   Family unity is so important to me I discussed every proposed step with my children and took on board all their suggestions. The doctor already knew, was professionally bound to secrecy and had got the NHS fully on side.   My next step was the vicar. I do have faith but for reasons I will not go into here had never attended the local church except for the occasional wedding and funeral. I knew her well through secular dealings and she had been fantastic over my wife’s funeral. I met her in male mode, told her I would like to start attending church services, that I wouldn’t mind singing in the choir (I knew they were desperately short and had no male voices at all) but there was just one tiny thing, I would be coming as a woman!  She was of course amazed by the news (my male persona is exceptionally masculine), bowled over by my photo’s and couldn’t wait to meet the real me which she did a few days later.   She was all for Trines being an active member of her congregation, brought her wardens confidentially on board for briefing on transgender matters so they could counsel any stroppy church members and got her bishop’s backing she could tell anyone who couldn’t freely accept me to clear off and find a different religion!  A target date of the first week in June was set and until then I would attend church and sing in the choir as a man and she would subliminally prepare everyone by seeding suitable comments about accepting and loving everyone regardless of their differences in the texts of her sermons, bidding prayers and in the Village News!   This now left me free to concentrate on my information leaflet. I had decided I would, the week before my transition, go round in drab to see every one of my friends and important acquaintances and tell them what I was proposing to do, show them some current and very historic photos if they wanted to see them, hope I could rely on their acceptance and continued friendship and leave them with an informative and illustrated leaflet which they could pass on to others if they wished.  This leaflet went through 6 or 7 draft stages and I was careful to include  things my children wanted said. I had 250 of these professionally printed on top quality, thick, glossy bi-folded A4  paper so they could easily withstand being passed around:- (if the type is too small to read, zoom in by pressing 'Ctrl' & '+' together):-   So the last week in May, the week before ‘D-Day’, arrived!   I went round telling all my friends and left them with a leaflet. I saw each pub licensee, leaving  half a dozen copies behind the bar as I was bound to be the village scandal for a few days and also got their promises that if any Neanderthals objected to my presence it would be them asked to leave the pub and not me. I had also booked a personal conference that week with my marina owner and his general manager. They had been on tenterhooks for weeks, fearful I was retiring or moving away. They seemed almost relieved when I told them Tony was becoming Trines, it was almost “Is that all? Thank God for that!” Subject to a private preview of the new me they were, as friends as well as equal opportunity employers, happy for me to continue in the role for them, dealing with the public. I’ve had to have new female uniforms bespoken as nothing off the peg was long enough and I made sure everything hugs my breast, waist and hips shapewear tightly. The office girls are green with envy as I look rather voluptuous and sexy—they have already demanded the same made to measure facility!   That Sunday I was not in church as I was managing the marina. The vicar took the opportunity of telling the congregation about me, how from the following week I would always be Trines,  and apparently spoke so beautifully and movingly on transgenderism  and why I should be embraced by them all,  there were quite a few damp eyes in the house. The wardens distributed my leaflets afterwards.    D - Day ! and its Aftermath   The following Monday, 1st June, Trines made her first public appearance in the village and Tony has never been seen since (except of course a couple of times down in London with the grandchildren).   Against all my fears and trepidation my public disclosure and transition has been an absolutely unbelievable success, beyond my wildest dreams.  I had told myself that if I could retain the goodwill of perhaps a third of my friends then that would be a good and acceptable result, making staying in the village worthwhile.  30%?  It’s greater than 100% as I now have more friends than before because of my transition!   People I’ve not seen before but who have read my leaflet or heard about me have been coming up in the street or pub to shake my hand, commend my bravery and to wish me luck!  I’ve had a rather nasty and emergency operation recently and news of this spread with the result that people, many of them my ’new’ friends, were falling over themselves, offering to drive me to and from hospital or to meet family at Rugby station and take them to visit me—a round trip of about 50 miles!   All my neighbours and friends are still very friendly, I can’t accept all the invites round for coffee etc, there are too many of them. I’m really welcome at church and am possibly the only lady bass in a church choir in the country! The church has put me on their fete committee and wants me to be the PA announcer and dog show commentator at the next one. I continue to work at the marina with no adverse feedback whatsoever from the public. I’ve recently been in charge of safety at the big annual historic boat rally, we get thousands of visitors each day, and had to go round telling loads of boat skippers and others what to do  (it’s like herding cats with them) - they all know me from previous years but if anything they were all nicer, friendlier and more compliant than they’ve ever been!  My boat training business has not dropped off in the slightest, no-one gives my transition a second thought when I inform them. The Twinning Association has asked me to prepare and present their next fund-raising quiz (a big annual event in the village). I’m cast in the next Players’ production, rehearsals start in September.  I’m very welcome in all four pubs and am never short of someone to chat to. I’ve been elected a member of a small, rather exclusive group of ladies who meet every few weeks to cattily swap the latest gossip and scandal whilst getting hammered on G&T!  I have even been asked if I would like to help out at the community-owned tea shop, serving coffee, cakes and conversation to villagers and passing boaters - which I will do after my current convalescence.   If anything my social life as Trines is better than it was for that person I used to be (what was his name?) and it wasn’t bad for him, so much so I think I am losing the need to meet up with my other trans friends as much as I used to. After all, there is nothing so satisfying as being accepted and socialised by ’normal’ people for the girl you are. I shall of course still get to Pink Punters occasionally as I will to Outskirts in Birmingham and come Hell or High Water I am definitely getting to Sparkle next year after it was so cruelly snatched from me this year by a cancerous tumour.   Those of you who’ve managed not to nod off but are still reading this and possibly thinking of transitioning yourselves at some time in the future, might like to have my views on why I think my public disclosure has been so successful.   1. I decided to brazen it out in the locality where I lived and was known, rather than move to a new location. Had it been necessary to move first then I might have delayed my local transition for a year or two so that I could get to know a fair number of people as a man. That would not, of course, have stopped me cross-dressing at home or from going out further afield in female mode.   2. I was well established and well-known in the locality, joined in community activities and, always trying to be a nice guy, I think I was generally well liked. Whilst having to come to terms with a friend’s transgenderism must be more difficult the better someone has known the person as a man, I think there may be that little more pressure to do so because they are a friend; if they were not or hardly known then, to avoid embarrassment or other difficulties I think people might be tempted to more or less ignore the trans, giving perhaps just a smile if meeting in the street.   3. I took my time and planned well!  I had been dressing almost every day since May 2014 at home and when out sight-seeing, shopping or socialising with other trans in towns near and far. I only presented as a man locally when I had to eg for a social function in my village or when I was working in the marina. By the end of the year the urge to go 24/7 was stronger than ever and I realised I had no option but to go for it and disclosed to my GP to get the GIC on my case. I then gave myself 6 months to prepare for ‘D-Day’ (‘Disclosure Day’).   Most reputable websites advise taking disclosure very slowly, telling only a few now, a few more in a couple of weeks and so on. This would not have suited my circumstances. It would have been highly confusing for villagers - and for me - to see me switching between Trines and Tony on a daily basis; it would have to be all, and this would be on 1st June. I brought the vicar on board for genuine reasons but she also was a sounding-board; if she and her wardens had been decidedly ‘iffy’ about it all I probably would have sounded out again with a friend on whom I could rely for discretion or possibly have decided to switch to Plan B (ie ‘cut & run’).   4. I prepared and distributed an information leaflet.   I had tremendously complimentary feedback; many thought this had been a master-stroke. Even a lot of my better educated friends confessed to knowing little or nothing about transgenderism despite the number of high profile cases reported in the press over recent months. They said they thought they would have been much less sympathetic over my situation and proposed actions had they not been able to read and think about it. Some said they would have simply put me down as a ’perv’!  My history dating back to age 4 was genuinely eye-opening to them and made them really want to help me through my transition. It also worked on people who did not know me.  I distributed just under 250 but I know a lot were passed around and perhaps some 500 villagers or more have seen and been quite affected by it. I strongly recommend anyone thinking of transitioning to prepare a similar leaflet.   5. Once I publicly transitioned I really ‘put myself about’.  I realised I would need to socialise as much as I could to reinforce my presence as Trines in the village and to get villagers talking to me. I made sure I visited each pub each week at a peak time. I attended village do’s, some of which I would never have gone to previously, just to make sure I was seen and for the chance to chat to others. I went on more walks around the village, canal and marina in order to meet lots of others. I invited many to my place for a coffee and chat which they either agreed to or invited me to theirs instead.  I will take this up again as soon as my convalescence permits me and rather nicely, I’ve had quite a few offers to mow my lawns and do other heavy household chores.   The inhabitants of my village have really come up trumps; their generosity of spirit has been truly humbling particularly when you consider that at 6ft 3in without heels (and I always wear heels!) a large, wide frame and a profoundly deep voice, I cannot easily 'pass'.   Whether, in view of my cancer, I will ever be allowed feminising hormones or will ever be offered re-assignment surgery has now paled into insignificance for me now that I am living and being widely accepted as the person I am.   I sincerely hope all other girls who publicly transition have family, friends and neighbours as lovely as mine to deal with.   All my love   x x  
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