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  • 06 Aug 2017
    For some reason or another I have this need to help people and I often give people 2nd or 3rd chances if I really value our friendship or if I am genuinely worried about them. I was somewhat desperate to find someone that was going through the same things I was and have someone to help me understand what all was going to happen or someone we could lean on each other when things got really tough.  So I found another girl that was transitioning that had just moved back to her parent's place from Houston, and as far as she told me, I was the first person that was transitioning that she met locally so we started hanging out. At this point I was pre-HRT, while she had been 9-10 months in or so but had been off of hormones for a few days because of the crazy storm preventing her from being able to get to the store for the prescriptions. At this point I am 33 and she was 19. I know what you're thinking, but despite the fact that I found her attractive and she at least told me she thought the same of me I constantly said to myself “don’t get attached, she’s 19, you know how unreliable teenagers are” and for a long time I didn’t.  Based on her behavior and what she told me, she was in hostile living situation. She tells me that her dad is emotionally and physically abusive, always intentionally misgenders her, whenever she has a panic attack they won’t get her help or go to a doctor because her dad tells her it's punishment for being trans while her mom doesn’t intervene but doesn’t join in either... (all of this is according to her).  Some of this was supported by a few things that went on while we were spending time together, for example, anytime I went to pick her up or drop her off at her parent’s house (20min drive one way from my house as they lived on the outskirts of town) I wasn’t allowed on the property.  You couldn’t see the house from the front gate, so she would have to walk from the gate to the house, etc etc. After one night of panic attacks that her parents wouldn’t take her to get help and wouldn’t ever take her to see a therapist, she calls me at 3am, tells me about all of this so I go pick her up against her telling me not to.  She comes back with me to my place and pretty much lives here with my wife and me since I had a spare bedroom and I can’t just sit back and do nothing especially with the spare room not being used.  At first, before I was on HRT, I could get this sense of what I thought she was doing and why she was acting how she was acting.  It felt like she was complimenting me and telling me how pretty I was and wanting to offer me sexual favors despite my telling her that I wasn’t letting her stay with me in exchange for that sort of thing nor did I expect it. To me, at the time at least and a bit looking back, it was like she had become accustomed to not staying anywhere for long and these offers and compliments were her survival instincts at work and were a way of keeping me or the person she was staying with happy with her so that she could stay longer.  With my defenses up, I was able to prevent being manipulated by her behaviors, but that was before I started my hormone replacement therapy. Once I had started HRT my emotions were slowly being dialed to 11, and it was like nothing I’d ever felt or at least nothing I could remember ever feeling.  When I was 10 years old, March 13, 1993, my mother passed away due to breast cancer.  Since that day the only emotions I expressed or experienced were anger and mild sadness, it was like every other emotion had been turned off. Starting HRT opened the flood gates for my other emotions which just grew in strength over time.  As these emotions were getting more and more powerful I was finding that I was starting to have difficulty controlling them very well.  Then came the night that would be the catalyst for chain reaction that would bring about the collapse of my career and the end of my life as I had come to know it. One night she was sleeping upstairs in the guest room that had become hers.  She wakes up and comes downstairs looking like she’s in a very agitated state and she sits on the couch where I am sitting (playing video games) and lays down on a pillow I have on my lap and falls asleep shortly.  After half an hour, maybe she wakes up quite distressed and she immediately yells for me, "Shana!" before she finds me latches onto me for dear life and falls back asleep holding me as tight as she could. After that night of nightmares my heart melted, my defenses were torn down by the hormones and I fell for her, not romantically, if that makes any sense.  Sure, I still found her attractive but that was all secondary now to this need to protect her from herself and so on.  After that, she lives with me for weeks and so I take on a motherly role and feel this obligation to protect her and help her and so on. While living with me, she would constantly leave trash around the house including those blood test strips that diabetics use.  My wife had grown tired of her being here and we were basically roommates at that point.  She really didn’t approve of my transition.  She would give me dirty looks, sigh or say mean things under her breath whenever I was doing anything feminine or practicing my voice, etc.  She was getting tired of cleaning up after this girl, rightly so as I was cleaning up after her already and it was so much that what I didn’t clean was bothering her.  So the wife said she had to leave, primarily because I was going to Colorado for four days or so and she wasn’t going to let my new friend stay there when I wasn’t there.  So thus began the search to find her a place to stay before I left for Colorado.
    56 Posted by Shana Maybe
  • For some reason or another I have this need to help people and I often give people 2nd or 3rd chances if I really value our friendship or if I am genuinely worried about them. I was somewhat desperate to find someone that was going through the same things I was and have someone to help me understand what all was going to happen or someone we could lean on each other when things got really tough.  So I found another girl that was transitioning that had just moved back to her parent's place from Houston, and as far as she told me, I was the first person that was transitioning that she met locally so we started hanging out. At this point I was pre-HRT, while she had been 9-10 months in or so but had been off of hormones for a few days because of the crazy storm preventing her from being able to get to the store for the prescriptions. At this point I am 33 and she was 19. I know what you're thinking, but despite the fact that I found her attractive and she at least told me she thought the same of me I constantly said to myself “don’t get attached, she’s 19, you know how unreliable teenagers are” and for a long time I didn’t.  Based on her behavior and what she told me, she was in hostile living situation. She tells me that her dad is emotionally and physically abusive, always intentionally misgenders her, whenever she has a panic attack they won’t get her help or go to a doctor because her dad tells her it's punishment for being trans while her mom doesn’t intervene but doesn’t join in either... (all of this is according to her).  Some of this was supported by a few things that went on while we were spending time together, for example, anytime I went to pick her up or drop her off at her parent’s house (20min drive one way from my house as they lived on the outskirts of town) I wasn’t allowed on the property.  You couldn’t see the house from the front gate, so she would have to walk from the gate to the house, etc etc. After one night of panic attacks that her parents wouldn’t take her to get help and wouldn’t ever take her to see a therapist, she calls me at 3am, tells me about all of this so I go pick her up against her telling me not to.  She comes back with me to my place and pretty much lives here with my wife and me since I had a spare bedroom and I can’t just sit back and do nothing especially with the spare room not being used.  At first, before I was on HRT, I could get this sense of what I thought she was doing and why she was acting how she was acting.  It felt like she was complimenting me and telling me how pretty I was and wanting to offer me sexual favors despite my telling her that I wasn’t letting her stay with me in exchange for that sort of thing nor did I expect it. To me, at the time at least and a bit looking back, it was like she had become accustomed to not staying anywhere for long and these offers and compliments were her survival instincts at work and were a way of keeping me or the person she was staying with happy with her so that she could stay longer.  With my defenses up, I was able to prevent being manipulated by her behaviors, but that was before I started my hormone replacement therapy. Once I had started HRT my emotions were slowly being dialed to 11, and it was like nothing I’d ever felt or at least nothing I could remember ever feeling.  When I was 10 years old, March 13, 1993, my mother passed away due to breast cancer.  Since that day the only emotions I expressed or experienced were anger and mild sadness, it was like every other emotion had been turned off. Starting HRT opened the flood gates for my other emotions which just grew in strength over time.  As these emotions were getting more and more powerful I was finding that I was starting to have difficulty controlling them very well.  Then came the night that would be the catalyst for chain reaction that would bring about the collapse of my career and the end of my life as I had come to know it. One night she was sleeping upstairs in the guest room that had become hers.  She wakes up and comes downstairs looking like she’s in a very agitated state and she sits on the couch where I am sitting (playing video games) and lays down on a pillow I have on my lap and falls asleep shortly.  After half an hour, maybe she wakes up quite distressed and she immediately yells for me, "Shana!" before she finds me latches onto me for dear life and falls back asleep holding me as tight as she could. After that night of nightmares my heart melted, my defenses were torn down by the hormones and I fell for her, not romantically, if that makes any sense.  Sure, I still found her attractive but that was all secondary now to this need to protect her from herself and so on.  After that, she lives with me for weeks and so I take on a motherly role and feel this obligation to protect her and help her and so on. While living with me, she would constantly leave trash around the house including those blood test strips that diabetics use.  My wife had grown tired of her being here and we were basically roommates at that point.  She really didn’t approve of my transition.  She would give me dirty looks, sigh or say mean things under her breath whenever I was doing anything feminine or practicing my voice, etc.  She was getting tired of cleaning up after this girl, rightly so as I was cleaning up after her already and it was so much that what I didn’t clean was bothering her.  So the wife said she had to leave, primarily because I was going to Colorado for four days or so and she wasn’t going to let my new friend stay there when I wasn’t there.  So thus began the search to find her a place to stay before I left for Colorado.
    Aug 06, 2017 56
  • 28 Jul 2017
    Howdy folks, As some of you may be aware, I have been battling with Fibromyalgia for a while now, being in constant pain 24-7. I've also been dealing with Universal Credit having to look for full time work as they screwed me over when I went for a DWP Assessment over 6 months ago now. Between the two of those things its been harder to focus what time I have here on Transtastic as a Moderator. I hung on while the fixes got done, which from what Katie has said are now complete. So apart from the odd mistake by members not setting folders to adult which seems very few and far between now, there really shouldn't be much for the Moderators to do. So this seems like the perfect time to step down and let someone younger, prettier and less of a hardliner than myself take over the reigns of the site. So I'll message Katie shortly and ask to have my mod status removed, then I'll be back to being a normal every day member like rest of ya. It's been an interesting ride, wasn't something I ever planned on doing, but it's been good experience for a management role. Weather you loved me as a mod or hated my guts as a mod thank you for the support and encouragement. Blessed Be Chantelle xxxxx
    72 Posted by Chantelle Tyler
  • Howdy folks, As some of you may be aware, I have been battling with Fibromyalgia for a while now, being in constant pain 24-7. I've also been dealing with Universal Credit having to look for full time work as they screwed me over when I went for a DWP Assessment over 6 months ago now. Between the two of those things its been harder to focus what time I have here on Transtastic as a Moderator. I hung on while the fixes got done, which from what Katie has said are now complete. So apart from the odd mistake by members not setting folders to adult which seems very few and far between now, there really shouldn't be much for the Moderators to do. So this seems like the perfect time to step down and let someone younger, prettier and less of a hardliner than myself take over the reigns of the site. So I'll message Katie shortly and ask to have my mod status removed, then I'll be back to being a normal every day member like rest of ya. It's been an interesting ride, wasn't something I ever planned on doing, but it's been good experience for a management role. Weather you loved me as a mod or hated my guts as a mod thank you for the support and encouragement. Blessed Be Chantelle xxxxx
    Jul 28, 2017 72
  • 21 Jul 2017
    In this episode, Tammy talks to writer Amanda McIntyre Ure about hormonal herbology, being religious and Trans, transitioning in a relationship, and the community's often shaky relationship with the Police. Also, more of your questions, and Tammy has a rant about 'Political Correctness'.   Playing The Cat Like A harmonica
    24 Posted by Bebe Brum
  • In this episode, Tammy talks to writer Amanda McIntyre Ure about hormonal herbology, being religious and Trans, transitioning in a relationship, and the community's often shaky relationship with the Police. Also, more of your questions, and Tammy has a rant about 'Political Correctness'.   Playing The Cat Like A harmonica
    Jul 21, 2017 24
  • 14 Jul 2017
    Only four people have subscribed to help us keep Transtastic going since I posted our plea for support about a month ago.  That is quite shameful and I am very disappointed with the response.  Very few of our members who use this site regularly and who are online almost every day have stepped up to help.  We are very much in the red right now and do not make anything like enough each month, to come even close to covering our costs.  Unless more members help soon, by clicking the subscribe button near the top of the page, Transtastic's future will be very uncertain.  Please help us to continue by donating the price of a one cup of coffee a week. Please click the button below now to show your support for Transtastic    Option 1 : £10.00 GBP - monthly Option 2 : £15.00 GBP - monthly Option 3 : £20.00 GBP - monthly
    91 Posted by Katie Glover
  • Only four people have subscribed to help us keep Transtastic going since I posted our plea for support about a month ago.  That is quite shameful and I am very disappointed with the response.  Very few of our members who use this site regularly and who are online almost every day have stepped up to help.  We are very much in the red right now and do not make anything like enough each month, to come even close to covering our costs.  Unless more members help soon, by clicking the subscribe button near the top of the page, Transtastic's future will be very uncertain.  Please help us to continue by donating the price of a one cup of coffee a week. Please click the button below now to show your support for Transtastic    Option 1 : £10.00 GBP - monthly Option 2 : £15.00 GBP - monthly Option 3 : £20.00 GBP - monthly
    Jul 14, 2017 91
  • 13 Jul 2017
    I had intended to write this earlier this week, whilst the happy memories were still there; but I have had to work this week so I have not had very much free time really.   Sparkle 2017 was in my view the best ever, there were minor glitches but the weather was dry and sunny without being too hot, which meant nothing got rained off, like last year when the Saturday was a disaster.   There are now so many different events during Sparkle, plus the Manchester International Festival was on - which means there are lots of things were happening outside of the Village.  I booked my hotel last August and even though I live in Greater MCR its easier to go to events if you only have to walk or stagger back to the hotel after imbibing too much!!   This is what my Sparkle was like.   I arrived mid afternoon Thursday after a taxi ride...this year I had so many outfits I needed 2 cases and 2 bags!!! Thursday evening I met up my 3 oldest friends at Via at 6pm for drinks and then we headed for the Northern Quarter where we had a super meal in a tapas place.   And we had a pleasant walk back across the renovated Piccadilly Gardens for a final drink and then back to our hotels     Friday Jo (Jo is the blonde with the fabulous teeth) and I had organised a series of make up makeovers at Boots Market Street, with Jess the manager of the No7  cosmetics range. For all of you please be aware that Boots are very pro trans and will do a makeover in private if you ask - they start by using a device for checking which foundation shade suits your skin. The makeovers were all in Boot's training centre above the store - so none of the 12 ladies being made over were madeover in public.   I went along for the first session where Jo was finding out how to achieve a daytime look...and there were 5 other ladies there being made up on an individual basis. It was so lovely to see so many happy smiling faces - both the Boots ladies and the special ladies....and we all got a red rose!!   Jo and I had brunch in the Koffee Pot, which now has 22 bees on the outside as a mural...in remembrance of the people murdered at the Arena. And then we went back to check out the afternoon session as someone very special to me - Gillian - was having her first ever trip out and a makeover. As with the morning it was very emotional and lots of happy ladies again.   Here is a photo of Gillian and I in the evening at Velvet where there were 8 of us for cocktails and dinner. So only 2 changes of clothes on Friday.   We meet as group of 5-6 girlies every Sparkle and we also meet again in late November or early December for a pre-Xmas dinner, and we either hunt for Santa's sack or his elves....not sure what the Hunt will be for this year. Here are a few photos of us enjoying our evening at Velvet             And after dining we went to Napoleons so that some of us could dance; dancing has never been my forte or high up my wish list so I didnt stay long.   Saturday is when Sparkle officially kicks off - at 12 noon, which means the Village is very quiet in the morning. I had to buy some cosmetics and Gillian and I had coffee in the Goose - everywhere else was closed. The small goose in the window has different knitted outfits all year around, Sparkle weekend it was in rainbow colours. As 5 of us were going to Sparkle tea at Velvet in the afternoon (2 pm) I went back to the hotel and changed into my "tea" outfit (see below the vision in purple)   We met in Sackville Gardens (see photo) and enjoyed a few chats and I had a late lunch as my diet means I cannot eat cakes!!!. And then off to Velvet (sadly no pix of the fab food or the gathering)....it was really scrummy with a peach cocktail and then finger sandwiches and lots of small cakes, and even strawberries dipped in dark chocolate - served with tea. All very elegant.   Back to the park for a while and then return to the hotel to get changed for the Sparkle Ball. We all met at the Goose, as its a short walk to the Mercure Hotel where the ball was taking place. I cannot find the official photo of all of us so have shown 3 of us in the reception area of the gathering. I have to say this was for me my least enjoyable time at Sparkle. It was too much like a "bubble" for me, in a room with 250 other transwomen..plus I don't like dancing (so i was the bag watcher for our group for most of the evening). The food was very ho hum - chicken or salmon was fine...but only potatoes or rice...no vegetables and no sauce or gravy. And the salad was served with tuna ....a weird choice of food. Here is yours truly with her plate...we were on the next table to the buffet!!   As we could only buy wine by the bottle we all seemed to overindulge so I woke up Sunday morning with a thumping head, only to remember that Jules and I had agreed to go the Sparkle in the Cathedral service at 10.30     Sunday morning arrived all too soon and even though I was up a 8 am it took me ages to pack as I had to check out at lunchtime latest, and though I could leave all my bags at the hotel it was 10.25 by the time I checked out. So a quick taxi ride across MCR meant I was at the cathedral for 10.35, luckily all I missed was the opening stuff. I guess out of about 150 people there were probably 15 trans people; it was a moving service ( both Julie and I got emotional) and the first time I have ever taken communion as Pauline. Talking to the Dean afterwards he said there were more of us than last year, and it seems the Church of England is becoming inclusive for our community.   And that was really it, though I did pay a visit to the LGBT Foundation - who had been busy on Saturday in their building and also in the park. And then home - to put up my aching feet and enjoy a large gin and tonic.   It was for me the best Sparkle I have ever been to; my first one was 2009. It has grown from a small one day event to 2 full days. If you can put it in your diary for 2018 - it is a key event for the trans community.   hugs   Pauline xxx              
    74 Posted by Pauline Smith
  • I had intended to write this earlier this week, whilst the happy memories were still there; but I have had to work this week so I have not had very much free time really.   Sparkle 2017 was in my view the best ever, there were minor glitches but the weather was dry and sunny without being too hot, which meant nothing got rained off, like last year when the Saturday was a disaster.   There are now so many different events during Sparkle, plus the Manchester International Festival was on - which means there are lots of things were happening outside of the Village.  I booked my hotel last August and even though I live in Greater MCR its easier to go to events if you only have to walk or stagger back to the hotel after imbibing too much!!   This is what my Sparkle was like.   I arrived mid afternoon Thursday after a taxi ride...this year I had so many outfits I needed 2 cases and 2 bags!!! Thursday evening I met up my 3 oldest friends at Via at 6pm for drinks and then we headed for the Northern Quarter where we had a super meal in a tapas place.   And we had a pleasant walk back across the renovated Piccadilly Gardens for a final drink and then back to our hotels     Friday Jo (Jo is the blonde with the fabulous teeth) and I had organised a series of make up makeovers at Boots Market Street, with Jess the manager of the No7  cosmetics range. For all of you please be aware that Boots are very pro trans and will do a makeover in private if you ask - they start by using a device for checking which foundation shade suits your skin. The makeovers were all in Boot's training centre above the store - so none of the 12 ladies being made over were madeover in public.   I went along for the first session where Jo was finding out how to achieve a daytime look...and there were 5 other ladies there being made up on an individual basis. It was so lovely to see so many happy smiling faces - both the Boots ladies and the special ladies....and we all got a red rose!!   Jo and I had brunch in the Koffee Pot, which now has 22 bees on the outside as a mural...in remembrance of the people murdered at the Arena. And then we went back to check out the afternoon session as someone very special to me - Gillian - was having her first ever trip out and a makeover. As with the morning it was very emotional and lots of happy ladies again.   Here is a photo of Gillian and I in the evening at Velvet where there were 8 of us for cocktails and dinner. So only 2 changes of clothes on Friday.   We meet as group of 5-6 girlies every Sparkle and we also meet again in late November or early December for a pre-Xmas dinner, and we either hunt for Santa's sack or his elves....not sure what the Hunt will be for this year. Here are a few photos of us enjoying our evening at Velvet             And after dining we went to Napoleons so that some of us could dance; dancing has never been my forte or high up my wish list so I didnt stay long.   Saturday is when Sparkle officially kicks off - at 12 noon, which means the Village is very quiet in the morning. I had to buy some cosmetics and Gillian and I had coffee in the Goose - everywhere else was closed. The small goose in the window has different knitted outfits all year around, Sparkle weekend it was in rainbow colours. As 5 of us were going to Sparkle tea at Velvet in the afternoon (2 pm) I went back to the hotel and changed into my "tea" outfit (see below the vision in purple)   We met in Sackville Gardens (see photo) and enjoyed a few chats and I had a late lunch as my diet means I cannot eat cakes!!!. And then off to Velvet (sadly no pix of the fab food or the gathering)....it was really scrummy with a peach cocktail and then finger sandwiches and lots of small cakes, and even strawberries dipped in dark chocolate - served with tea. All very elegant.   Back to the park for a while and then return to the hotel to get changed for the Sparkle Ball. We all met at the Goose, as its a short walk to the Mercure Hotel where the ball was taking place. I cannot find the official photo of all of us so have shown 3 of us in the reception area of the gathering. I have to say this was for me my least enjoyable time at Sparkle. It was too much like a "bubble" for me, in a room with 250 other transwomen..plus I don't like dancing (so i was the bag watcher for our group for most of the evening). The food was very ho hum - chicken or salmon was fine...but only potatoes or rice...no vegetables and no sauce or gravy. And the salad was served with tuna ....a weird choice of food. Here is yours truly with her plate...we were on the next table to the buffet!!   As we could only buy wine by the bottle we all seemed to overindulge so I woke up Sunday morning with a thumping head, only to remember that Jules and I had agreed to go the Sparkle in the Cathedral service at 10.30     Sunday morning arrived all too soon and even though I was up a 8 am it took me ages to pack as I had to check out at lunchtime latest, and though I could leave all my bags at the hotel it was 10.25 by the time I checked out. So a quick taxi ride across MCR meant I was at the cathedral for 10.35, luckily all I missed was the opening stuff. I guess out of about 150 people there were probably 15 trans people; it was a moving service ( both Julie and I got emotional) and the first time I have ever taken communion as Pauline. Talking to the Dean afterwards he said there were more of us than last year, and it seems the Church of England is becoming inclusive for our community.   And that was really it, though I did pay a visit to the LGBT Foundation - who had been busy on Saturday in their building and also in the park. And then home - to put up my aching feet and enjoy a large gin and tonic.   It was for me the best Sparkle I have ever been to; my first one was 2009. It has grown from a small one day event to 2 full days. If you can put it in your diary for 2018 - it is a key event for the trans community.   hugs   Pauline xxx              
    Jul 13, 2017 74
  • 07 Jul 2017
    Not sure how long this is available.British Film Institute Collection
    53 Posted by Bebe Brum
  • Not sure how long this is available.British Film Institute Collection
    Jul 07, 2017 53

Top Blogs

  • 18 Dec 2014
    The Gender Clinic   2009 I had decided enough was enough. I needed help with this horrid transgendered curse which was doing its best to wreck my life. First stop GP. She was great. Second stop a selection of shrinks who referred me to the Gender Clinic as well as diagnosing me as pretty mental. First appointment was a long wait. But when it came it was quite nice being able to spill my guts out to an expert. I think I've been maybe 6 times now. During this period I've changed my name am dosed up on high levels of hormones and lifes great.   A Summary Of Yesterdays Appointment   I love hormones. The serenity from having near zero testosterone in my body. My bits don't work at all anymore which I couldn't care less about. I cannot be arsed with having my bits cut off and i don't like fannies anyway. I'm very single because I haven't got a clue about my sexual orientation and I'm not going to inflict that on anyone, but I do have a cat. People don't treat me as female, but they don't treat me as male either, i'm just different, which I like. I've had mainly very positive reactions to my gender choices. I am reintegrated into regular society. I'm no longer a webcam 'girl'.  My body has become very feminine which does confuse people. Sometimes I wear makeup and a hairpiece sometimes I don't, depends on my mood. Basically I'm a contented little tranny.   Bye Bye   So I'm exactly where I want to be with it all. The happiest I have been in years. So subsequently I have been told I don't have to go anymore. Their job is done, GP still deals with blood tests, hormones etc but thats it. I guess I'm what they would describe as a success story. So apart from one incident in there I have to say thanks to them as they have really helped me turn my life around.
    38 Posted by Mia Wallace
  • The Gender Clinic   2009 I had decided enough was enough. I needed help with this horrid transgendered curse which was doing its best to wreck my life. First stop GP. She was great. Second stop a selection of shrinks who referred me to the Gender Clinic as well as diagnosing me as pretty mental. First appointment was a long wait. But when it came it was quite nice being able to spill my guts out to an expert. I think I've been maybe 6 times now. During this period I've changed my name am dosed up on high levels of hormones and lifes great.   A Summary Of Yesterdays Appointment   I love hormones. The serenity from having near zero testosterone in my body. My bits don't work at all anymore which I couldn't care less about. I cannot be arsed with having my bits cut off and i don't like fannies anyway. I'm very single because I haven't got a clue about my sexual orientation and I'm not going to inflict that on anyone, but I do have a cat. People don't treat me as female, but they don't treat me as male either, i'm just different, which I like. I've had mainly very positive reactions to my gender choices. I am reintegrated into regular society. I'm no longer a webcam 'girl'.  My body has become very feminine which does confuse people. Sometimes I wear makeup and a hairpiece sometimes I don't, depends on my mood. Basically I'm a contented little tranny.   Bye Bye   So I'm exactly where I want to be with it all. The happiest I have been in years. So subsequently I have been told I don't have to go anymore. Their job is done, GP still deals with blood tests, hormones etc but thats it. I guess I'm what they would describe as a success story. So apart from one incident in there I have to say thanks to them as they have really helped me turn my life around.
    Dec 18, 2014 38
  • 13 Oct 2013
    Is it me?   Well not sure how to put this but here goes. Is it me or does anyone else feel that those who have gone through the full transition Don’t feel they fit in any more I have had 2 friends who have had the full transition and have left here Due to the way they are spoken to and both have a gone through what a lot of us are aiming to do And have great advice and are both counselling other trans girls in different stages of the journey I know they do as I do think in some way this fabulous site has taken a turn to more Fetish Cross Dressing which yes is all part of the trans scene in ways. 50 shades of grey doesn’t cut it here it’s more like 500 shades of grey lol But I do feel upset that friends and other post op girls who yes are now women feel they don’t belong I do say live and let live for all walks of life but it does come to a shock in ways to me that We have in a word discrimination against each other here Why can’t we all get along I have said before in the immortal words of high school musical   “We’re all in this together” so let’s start being united in what we do To quote a friend who has left “Peace love and lip gloss” Hugs xxamyxx 
    35 Posted by Amymichelle Morris
  • Is it me?   Well not sure how to put this but here goes. Is it me or does anyone else feel that those who have gone through the full transition Don’t feel they fit in any more I have had 2 friends who have had the full transition and have left here Due to the way they are spoken to and both have a gone through what a lot of us are aiming to do And have great advice and are both counselling other trans girls in different stages of the journey I know they do as I do think in some way this fabulous site has taken a turn to more Fetish Cross Dressing which yes is all part of the trans scene in ways. 50 shades of grey doesn’t cut it here it’s more like 500 shades of grey lol But I do feel upset that friends and other post op girls who yes are now women feel they don’t belong I do say live and let live for all walks of life but it does come to a shock in ways to me that We have in a word discrimination against each other here Why can’t we all get along I have said before in the immortal words of high school musical   “We’re all in this together” so let’s start being united in what we do To quote a friend who has left “Peace love and lip gloss” Hugs xxamyxx 
    Oct 13, 2013 35
  • 24 Jan 2014
    hi ya just asking i do love albumn suggestions and like looking at pics but please if ya have ya knob out please dont suggest as i like girly shots clothes and make up so you look nice a cock in stockings aint girly . i dont mind if you are into that and dressing is a fetish each to their own    live and let live i say  i dress because i love being a girl i know im a guy (a cock in a frock lol) but i like the illusion  thats why i tuck it away      but i cant or wont hit the like button because ya got ya dangleys out lol and i dont want to appear rude by not liking it so its best all round    big hugs and to coin a phrase a friend of mine uses   peace love and lipgloss xxxxxxx   xxamyxx
    31 Posted by Amymichelle Morris
  • hi ya just asking i do love albumn suggestions and like looking at pics but please if ya have ya knob out please dont suggest as i like girly shots clothes and make up so you look nice a cock in stockings aint girly . i dont mind if you are into that and dressing is a fetish each to their own    live and let live i say  i dress because i love being a girl i know im a guy (a cock in a frock lol) but i like the illusion  thats why i tuck it away      but i cant or wont hit the like button because ya got ya dangleys out lol and i dont want to appear rude by not liking it so its best all round    big hugs and to coin a phrase a friend of mine uses   peace love and lipgloss xxxxxxx   xxamyxx
    Jan 24, 2014 31
  • 14 Mar 2015
    Well today has been somewhat different for me, not only was it my mum's Birthday, but i also took her into The Village for a few drinks this afternoon and then onto velvet for a lovely Birthday meal, I had been promising to take her into Manchester for a long time - So I thought why not!  And yes before you ask, i was in girlie mode. Mum has known about Liz for quite a while now and is very comfortable with the Trans side of me and is always asking if I've bought any new clothes, and most of all hates how good my legs look! I chat to my mum everyday whether that is by text or a phone call, i always do, the thing is my mum like all of your parents and those close to you are not getting any younger, you should always grab the chance to speak to them whenever you can and spend as much time as you can with them. OK today was not the usual party atmosphere that we are accustomed to when we pop into the village on a Saturday, but more of a qualitiy precious time spent chatting in a relaxed environment with the woman who brought me into this world, helping "MUM" celebrate her birthday with Liz and not Ian.  Her words to me as I've just dropped her off at home " I have loved every second of today" like i said quality time.    Myself and Mum in Paddy's  And Mum enjoying another Cider in Via. So folks, wht not get yourselves off out and enjoy the preicous time while you can, you never know what's round the corner. Hugs  Liz and Marion (Mum) x
  • Well today has been somewhat different for me, not only was it my mum's Birthday, but i also took her into The Village for a few drinks this afternoon and then onto velvet for a lovely Birthday meal, I had been promising to take her into Manchester for a long time - So I thought why not!  And yes before you ask, i was in girlie mode. Mum has known about Liz for quite a while now and is very comfortable with the Trans side of me and is always asking if I've bought any new clothes, and most of all hates how good my legs look! I chat to my mum everyday whether that is by text or a phone call, i always do, the thing is my mum like all of your parents and those close to you are not getting any younger, you should always grab the chance to speak to them whenever you can and spend as much time as you can with them. OK today was not the usual party atmosphere that we are accustomed to when we pop into the village on a Saturday, but more of a qualitiy precious time spent chatting in a relaxed environment with the woman who brought me into this world, helping "MUM" celebrate her birthday with Liz and not Ian.  Her words to me as I've just dropped her off at home " I have loved every second of today" like i said quality time.    Myself and Mum in Paddy's  And Mum enjoying another Cider in Via. So folks, wht not get yourselves off out and enjoy the preicous time while you can, you never know what's round the corner. Hugs  Liz and Marion (Mum) x
    Mar 14, 2015 27
  • 16 Aug 2015
    Ok I know this blog isn't full of cock shots and all things kinky - but hey it is a little different! Yesterday myself and Shar went to a wedding reception and in my moment of madness I said "fuck it I'm going in girlie mode". So I started getting ready to the amusement of Shar, saying people won't know where to look, anyway I got ready and off we went, presant in hand. I wasn't feeling nervous, just good to be getting out again, although in a very straight and normal atmosphere. We arrived and I walk straight in greeted Sammy the bride and her new husband, to her amazement it was me Ian - but Liz! Having a mingle with the muggels and a chat to work colleagues, to my amazement no one actually read me apart from my work mates, who knew about Liz but had never actually met for real, apart from my ill fitting shoes being to big - yes to big I had a pleasant evening and it was a change from the norm! The moral to my blog is, if you dress with right attitude then why can't all of you lovely girls get out there and burst the bubble! Till next time, Hugs Liz x
  • Ok I know this blog isn't full of cock shots and all things kinky - but hey it is a little different! Yesterday myself and Shar went to a wedding reception and in my moment of madness I said "fuck it I'm going in girlie mode". So I started getting ready to the amusement of Shar, saying people won't know where to look, anyway I got ready and off we went, presant in hand. I wasn't feeling nervous, just good to be getting out again, although in a very straight and normal atmosphere. We arrived and I walk straight in greeted Sammy the bride and her new husband, to her amazement it was me Ian - but Liz! Having a mingle with the muggels and a chat to work colleagues, to my amazement no one actually read me apart from my work mates, who knew about Liz but had never actually met for real, apart from my ill fitting shoes being to big - yes to big I had a pleasant evening and it was a change from the norm! The moral to my blog is, if you dress with right attitude then why can't all of you lovely girls get out there and burst the bubble! Till next time, Hugs Liz x
    Aug 16, 2015 27
  • 26 Jul 2015
    Preparing for “D-Day” (“D” for “Disclosure”)   Stratford on Avon  May 2015  After Christmas I decided I was going to live out the rest of my life as a woman on a 24/7 basis.  I’m 70 next year and it was ‘now or never’.  For nearly 9 months I had been living as a woman at home and when out and about in the nearby towns but had not ‘come out’ to my friends and acquaintances in the village where I live.   I went dressed as a man when I disclosed my transgenderism to my (lady) doctor but took some photos with me, some dating back more than 50 years, so I could satisfy her this wasn’t just a recent phenomenon and that I hadn’t gone doolally because of my wife’s death early last year.   She was bowled over by the photos and asked me if I would give her make-up lessons so she could look 20 years younger too!    She immediately acceded to my request for a referral to the gender identity clinic (GIC) but then she had no option really, as there are strict NHS protocols and guidelines concerning transgender matters. As luck would have it, my local GIC was immediately next door in the ‘cottage’ hospital on the same campus as my doctor’s surgery; wasn’t I a lucky girl?  This hasn’t quickened up in the slightest the inordinately slow GIC process though.   She also changed my male name on the NHS records to that of my unofficially adopted female name and the NHS now only knows me as a female named Ms Trines Ward. All correspondence comes in that name. Any male doctor wishing to examine me must wheel in a female chaperone for my protection!  Recently I had an emergency operation and the hospital kept insisting I had to be put in a female ward; I only just managed to avoid this as I felt ill women and their visitors would not want to see me in the next bed without wig or make-up! In the male ward I wore androgynous pink and blue short pyjamas but the board above my bed clearly stated ‘Ms Trines Ward—female” as did the labels around my arm and ankle, and the staff punctiliously referred to me amongst staff and patients, as ‘she’ or ‘her’.   Back at the GIC, they informed me it was run by two psychiatrists and I would need a separate assessment consultation with each one before any treatment would be considered. There was a four months’ wait for each session which meant nothing could even begin to happen until October/November!  I thought this was completely out of order and I thoroughly read the two main published guidelines (both are on the net):   1. “Good practice guidelines for the assessment and treatment of adults with gender dysphoria” ref CR181 published by Royal College of Pyschiatrists Oct 2013   2) “Gender dysphoria services: a guide for General Practitioners and other healthcare staff” published by NHS.   These showed me my GIC’s timescales did not comply and some polite but firm letters and phone calls from me got the waits reduced to two months each; still lengthy but within the guidelines.  I can understand caution when dealing with tyros in their late teens/early twenties who might not even have ventured out dressed in public but not when dealing with very long in the tooth, fully experienced trans like me who know precisely where and how far they wish to go.   Both psychiatrists concluded I am fully transsexual and were happy to ‘take me all the way’. I’m not so sure. I’m not body dysphoric as far as my meat and two veg are concerned, in view of my age and recent bereavement I’m not seeking another partner, and neither am I gay so as Trines you might say I’m lesbian, so why would I want to lose my ‘wobbly bits’? I think I will be content to present myself as best I can as a woman even if I continue to have things in my knickers that other girls don’t have!  Provided I tuck no-one else will know whether I’ve had full reassignment or not.  What I want more than anything is feminising hormones so I can have effective facial and body hair removal and benefit from their desirable side-effects although at my age I cannot, unfortunately, expect oestrogen to give me any breast tissue   Meanwhile, I had to tell my three children and their families and then plan going fully public.   Whilst my wife ‘knew’ about me before we married, we agreed to keep it a secret from everyone for the protection both of our children and my wife from the substantial public opprobrium and ridicule they would have suffered, certainly back in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. Indeed, on leaving home in the early 70’s I tried living full-time as a woman but had to give it up after 6 months because of the immense public hostility I suffered and the impossibility of getting a worthwhile job.   I now needed to inform my children of my condition and of my wish to ‘go public’. This would not be easy—and it wasn’t!  I paid for them to have quite expensive sessions with a counsellor experienced in transgender issues and this most definitely helped. All three of them are now fully supportive although my son, in particular, is still having trouble fully coming to terms with the ‘new’ me.  Fortunately there is a huge amount of love in my family and we will get there.   In 'Butch Biker Bitch' mode (Transtastic  photoshoot Feb 2015)   I have grandchildren by two of them and because they were all terribly upset by the death early last year of their granny, and they still are, my children do not want them to go through another bereavement because of the ‘loss’ of their granddad and neither do they want to risk them suffering cyber bullying so, for the time being at least, I have to be ‘granddad’ whenever I see them. I can do this wearing women’s shoes, trousers and tops so it is not too uncomfortable for me. It is a price I will pay if I have to.   With the children informed and ‘on board’ I was now, at long, long last  free to ‘go public’!  I had been planning this for several months as I wanted to try and ensure I would have the best possible result in terms of tolerance and acceptance by my local community.   I have lived in my fairly large village, population just over 2,000, for 15 years, 14 of those with my wife.  I have actively joined in with the local community, trying always to be nice to everyone, performing and directing with the drama society, secretary of the Twinning Association for many years, socialising in the four pubs, playing and umpiring for the cricket team, helping to organise village fetes etc.  In addition, I’ve always had a part-time job as deputy manager of the village’s very busy canal marina, selling boats and organising their big boat rallies and festivals. In addition, as a qualified Boat Master and passenger boat skipper, I give boat handling instruction throughout the inland waterways on my own account.   So I am very well known and, I like to think, well regarded  not only in the village but also through the large and widespread canal community. Coming out to all these many hundreds of people seemed to be a fearsome step to take, something I wasn’t sure I could manage.   I could of course always ‘cut and run’ by selling up, moving to a nice little house in a pleasant town somewhere, presenting myself immediately as Trines.  This way, I would not suffer any ridicule or shunning by people I knew. True. But the whole purpose of my fully transitioning was to be able to lead a full, entertaining and social life as Trines and to be accepted by and join in with my local community. If I moved away, I would not be known and, as an obvious transwoman, I would not make many new friends at all,.  I would be facing a rather lonely remainder of my life.   I didn’t struggle with this decision for very long, I bit the bullet and decided to openly disclose to my village; if it all went disastrously wrong then moving away would be my ‘Plan B’.   Family unity is so important to me I discussed every proposed step with my children and took on board all their suggestions. The doctor already knew, was professionally bound to secrecy and had got the NHS fully on side.   My next step was the vicar. I do have faith but for reasons I will not go into here had never attended the local church except for the occasional wedding and funeral. I knew her well through secular dealings and she had been fantastic over my wife’s funeral. I met her in male mode, told her I would like to start attending church services, that I wouldn’t mind singing in the choir (I knew they were desperately short and had no male voices at all) but there was just one tiny thing, I would be coming as a woman!  She was of course amazed by the news (my male persona is exceptionally masculine), bowled over by my photo’s and couldn’t wait to meet the real me which she did a few days later.   She was all for Trines being an active member of her congregation, brought her wardens confidentially on board for briefing on transgender matters so they could counsel any stroppy church members and got her bishop’s backing she could tell anyone who couldn’t freely accept me to clear off and find a different religion!  A target date of the first week in June was set and until then I would attend church and sing in the choir as a man and she would subliminally prepare everyone by seeding suitable comments about accepting and loving everyone regardless of their differences in the texts of her sermons, bidding prayers and in the Village News!   This now left me free to concentrate on my information leaflet. I had decided I would, the week before my transition, go round in drab to see every one of my friends and important acquaintances and tell them what I was proposing to do, show them some current and very historic photos if they wanted to see them, hope I could rely on their acceptance and continued friendship and leave them with an informative and illustrated leaflet which they could pass on to others if they wished.  This leaflet went through 6 or 7 draft stages and I was careful to include  things my children wanted said. I had 250 of these professionally printed on top quality, thick, glossy bi-folded A4  paper so they could easily withstand being passed around:- (if the type is too small to read, zoom in by pressing 'Ctrl' & '+' together):-   So the last week in May, the week before ‘D-Day’, arrived!   I went round telling all my friends and left them with a leaflet. I saw each pub licensee, leaving  half a dozen copies behind the bar as I was bound to be the village scandal for a few days and also got their promises that if any Neanderthals objected to my presence it would be them asked to leave the pub and not me. I had also booked a personal conference that week with my marina owner and his general manager. They had been on tenterhooks for weeks, fearful I was retiring or moving away. They seemed almost relieved when I told them Tony was becoming Trines, it was almost “Is that all? Thank God for that!” Subject to a private preview of the new me they were, as friends as well as equal opportunity employers, happy for me to continue in the role for them, dealing with the public. I’ve had to have new female uniforms bespoken as nothing off the peg was long enough and I made sure everything hugs my breast, waist and hips shapewear tightly. The office girls are green with envy as I look rather voluptuous and sexy—they have already demanded the same made to measure facility!   That Sunday I was not in church as I was managing the marina. The vicar took the opportunity of telling the congregation about me, how from the following week I would always be Trines,  and apparently spoke so beautifully and movingly on transgenderism  and why I should be embraced by them all,  there were quite a few damp eyes in the house. The wardens distributed my leaflets afterwards.    D - Day ! and its Aftermath   The following Monday, 1st June, Trines made her first public appearance in the village and Tony has never been seen since (except of course a couple of times down in London with the grandchildren).   Against all my fears and trepidation my public disclosure and transition has been an absolutely unbelievable success, beyond my wildest dreams.  I had told myself that if I could retain the goodwill of perhaps a third of my friends then that would be a good and acceptable result, making staying in the village worthwhile.  30%?  It’s greater than 100% as I now have more friends than before because of my transition!   People I’ve not seen before but who have read my leaflet or heard about me have been coming up in the street or pub to shake my hand, commend my bravery and to wish me luck!  I’ve had a rather nasty and emergency operation recently and news of this spread with the result that people, many of them my ’new’ friends, were falling over themselves, offering to drive me to and from hospital or to meet family at Rugby station and take them to visit me—a round trip of about 50 miles!   All my neighbours and friends are still very friendly, I can’t accept all the invites round for coffee etc, there are too many of them. I’m really welcome at church and am possibly the only lady bass in a church choir in the country! The church has put me on their fete committee and wants me to be the PA announcer and dog show commentator at the next one. I continue to work at the marina with no adverse feedback whatsoever from the public. I’ve recently been in charge of safety at the big annual historic boat rally, we get thousands of visitors each day, and had to go round telling loads of boat skippers and others what to do  (it’s like herding cats with them) - they all know me from previous years but if anything they were all nicer, friendlier and more compliant than they’ve ever been!  My boat training business has not dropped off in the slightest, no-one gives my transition a second thought when I inform them. The Twinning Association has asked me to prepare and present their next fund-raising quiz (a big annual event in the village). I’m cast in the next Players’ production, rehearsals start in September.  I’m very welcome in all four pubs and am never short of someone to chat to. I’ve been elected a member of a small, rather exclusive group of ladies who meet every few weeks to cattily swap the latest gossip and scandal whilst getting hammered on G&T!  I have even been asked if I would like to help out at the community-owned tea shop, serving coffee, cakes and conversation to villagers and passing boaters - which I will do after my current convalescence.   If anything my social life as Trines is better than it was for that person I used to be (what was his name?) and it wasn’t bad for him, so much so I think I am losing the need to meet up with my other trans friends as much as I used to. After all, there is nothing so satisfying as being accepted and socialised by ’normal’ people for the girl you are. I shall of course still get to Pink Punters occasionally as I will to Outskirts in Birmingham and come Hell or High Water I am definitely getting to Sparkle next year after it was so cruelly snatched from me this year by a cancerous tumour.   Those of you who’ve managed not to nod off but are still reading this and possibly thinking of transitioning yourselves at some time in the future, might like to have my views on why I think my public disclosure has been so successful.   1. I decided to brazen it out in the locality where I lived and was known, rather than move to a new location. Had it been necessary to move first then I might have delayed my local transition for a year or two so that I could get to know a fair number of people as a man. That would not, of course, have stopped me cross-dressing at home or from going out further afield in female mode.   2. I was well established and well-known in the locality, joined in community activities and, always trying to be a nice guy, I think I was generally well liked. Whilst having to come to terms with a friend’s transgenderism must be more difficult the better someone has known the person as a man, I think there may be that little more pressure to do so because they are a friend; if they were not or hardly known then, to avoid embarrassment or other difficulties I think people might be tempted to more or less ignore the trans, giving perhaps just a smile if meeting in the street.   3. I took my time and planned well!  I had been dressing almost every day since May 2014 at home and when out sight-seeing, shopping or socialising with other trans in towns near and far. I only presented as a man locally when I had to eg for a social function in my village or when I was working in the marina. By the end of the year the urge to go 24/7 was stronger than ever and I realised I had no option but to go for it and disclosed to my GP to get the GIC on my case. I then gave myself 6 months to prepare for ‘D-Day’ (‘Disclosure Day’).   Most reputable websites advise taking disclosure very slowly, telling only a few now, a few more in a couple of weeks and so on. This would not have suited my circumstances. It would have been highly confusing for villagers - and for me - to see me switching between Trines and Tony on a daily basis; it would have to be all, and this would be on 1st June. I brought the vicar on board for genuine reasons but she also was a sounding-board; if she and her wardens had been decidedly ‘iffy’ about it all I probably would have sounded out again with a friend on whom I could rely for discretion or possibly have decided to switch to Plan B (ie ‘cut & run’).   4. I prepared and distributed an information leaflet.   I had tremendously complimentary feedback; many thought this had been a master-stroke. Even a lot of my better educated friends confessed to knowing little or nothing about transgenderism despite the number of high profile cases reported in the press over recent months. They said they thought they would have been much less sympathetic over my situation and proposed actions had they not been able to read and think about it. Some said they would have simply put me down as a ’perv’!  My history dating back to age 4 was genuinely eye-opening to them and made them really want to help me through my transition. It also worked on people who did not know me.  I distributed just under 250 but I know a lot were passed around and perhaps some 500 villagers or more have seen and been quite affected by it. I strongly recommend anyone thinking of transitioning to prepare a similar leaflet.   5. Once I publicly transitioned I really ‘put myself about’.  I realised I would need to socialise as much as I could to reinforce my presence as Trines in the village and to get villagers talking to me. I made sure I visited each pub each week at a peak time. I attended village do’s, some of which I would never have gone to previously, just to make sure I was seen and for the chance to chat to others. I went on more walks around the village, canal and marina in order to meet lots of others. I invited many to my place for a coffee and chat which they either agreed to or invited me to theirs instead.  I will take this up again as soon as my convalescence permits me and rather nicely, I’ve had quite a few offers to mow my lawns and do other heavy household chores.   The inhabitants of my village have really come up trumps; their generosity of spirit has been truly humbling particularly when you consider that at 6ft 3in without heels (and I always wear heels!) a large, wide frame and a profoundly deep voice, I cannot easily 'pass'.   Whether, in view of my cancer, I will ever be allowed feminising hormones or will ever be offered re-assignment surgery has now paled into insignificance for me now that I am living and being widely accepted as the person I am.   I sincerely hope all other girls who publicly transition have family, friends and neighbours as lovely as mine to deal with.   All my love   x x  
    26 Posted by Trines x x
  • Preparing for “D-Day” (“D” for “Disclosure”)   Stratford on Avon  May 2015  After Christmas I decided I was going to live out the rest of my life as a woman on a 24/7 basis.  I’m 70 next year and it was ‘now or never’.  For nearly 9 months I had been living as a woman at home and when out and about in the nearby towns but had not ‘come out’ to my friends and acquaintances in the village where I live.   I went dressed as a man when I disclosed my transgenderism to my (lady) doctor but took some photos with me, some dating back more than 50 years, so I could satisfy her this wasn’t just a recent phenomenon and that I hadn’t gone doolally because of my wife’s death early last year.   She was bowled over by the photos and asked me if I would give her make-up lessons so she could look 20 years younger too!    She immediately acceded to my request for a referral to the gender identity clinic (GIC) but then she had no option really, as there are strict NHS protocols and guidelines concerning transgender matters. As luck would have it, my local GIC was immediately next door in the ‘cottage’ hospital on the same campus as my doctor’s surgery; wasn’t I a lucky girl?  This hasn’t quickened up in the slightest the inordinately slow GIC process though.   She also changed my male name on the NHS records to that of my unofficially adopted female name and the NHS now only knows me as a female named Ms Trines Ward. All correspondence comes in that name. Any male doctor wishing to examine me must wheel in a female chaperone for my protection!  Recently I had an emergency operation and the hospital kept insisting I had to be put in a female ward; I only just managed to avoid this as I felt ill women and their visitors would not want to see me in the next bed without wig or make-up! In the male ward I wore androgynous pink and blue short pyjamas but the board above my bed clearly stated ‘Ms Trines Ward—female” as did the labels around my arm and ankle, and the staff punctiliously referred to me amongst staff and patients, as ‘she’ or ‘her’.   Back at the GIC, they informed me it was run by two psychiatrists and I would need a separate assessment consultation with each one before any treatment would be considered. There was a four months’ wait for each session which meant nothing could even begin to happen until October/November!  I thought this was completely out of order and I thoroughly read the two main published guidelines (both are on the net):   1. “Good practice guidelines for the assessment and treatment of adults with gender dysphoria” ref CR181 published by Royal College of Pyschiatrists Oct 2013   2) “Gender dysphoria services: a guide for General Practitioners and other healthcare staff” published by NHS.   These showed me my GIC’s timescales did not comply and some polite but firm letters and phone calls from me got the waits reduced to two months each; still lengthy but within the guidelines.  I can understand caution when dealing with tyros in their late teens/early twenties who might not even have ventured out dressed in public but not when dealing with very long in the tooth, fully experienced trans like me who know precisely where and how far they wish to go.   Both psychiatrists concluded I am fully transsexual and were happy to ‘take me all the way’. I’m not so sure. I’m not body dysphoric as far as my meat and two veg are concerned, in view of my age and recent bereavement I’m not seeking another partner, and neither am I gay so as Trines you might say I’m lesbian, so why would I want to lose my ‘wobbly bits’? I think I will be content to present myself as best I can as a woman even if I continue to have things in my knickers that other girls don’t have!  Provided I tuck no-one else will know whether I’ve had full reassignment or not.  What I want more than anything is feminising hormones so I can have effective facial and body hair removal and benefit from their desirable side-effects although at my age I cannot, unfortunately, expect oestrogen to give me any breast tissue   Meanwhile, I had to tell my three children and their families and then plan going fully public.   Whilst my wife ‘knew’ about me before we married, we agreed to keep it a secret from everyone for the protection both of our children and my wife from the substantial public opprobrium and ridicule they would have suffered, certainly back in the ‘70’s and ‘80’s. Indeed, on leaving home in the early 70’s I tried living full-time as a woman but had to give it up after 6 months because of the immense public hostility I suffered and the impossibility of getting a worthwhile job.   I now needed to inform my children of my condition and of my wish to ‘go public’. This would not be easy—and it wasn’t!  I paid for them to have quite expensive sessions with a counsellor experienced in transgender issues and this most definitely helped. All three of them are now fully supportive although my son, in particular, is still having trouble fully coming to terms with the ‘new’ me.  Fortunately there is a huge amount of love in my family and we will get there.   In 'Butch Biker Bitch' mode (Transtastic  photoshoot Feb 2015)   I have grandchildren by two of them and because they were all terribly upset by the death early last year of their granny, and they still are, my children do not want them to go through another bereavement because of the ‘loss’ of their granddad and neither do they want to risk them suffering cyber bullying so, for the time being at least, I have to be ‘granddad’ whenever I see them. I can do this wearing women’s shoes, trousers and tops so it is not too uncomfortable for me. It is a price I will pay if I have to.   With the children informed and ‘on board’ I was now, at long, long last  free to ‘go public’!  I had been planning this for several months as I wanted to try and ensure I would have the best possible result in terms of tolerance and acceptance by my local community.   I have lived in my fairly large village, population just over 2,000, for 15 years, 14 of those with my wife.  I have actively joined in with the local community, trying always to be nice to everyone, performing and directing with the drama society, secretary of the Twinning Association for many years, socialising in the four pubs, playing and umpiring for the cricket team, helping to organise village fetes etc.  In addition, I’ve always had a part-time job as deputy manager of the village’s very busy canal marina, selling boats and organising their big boat rallies and festivals. In addition, as a qualified Boat Master and passenger boat skipper, I give boat handling instruction throughout the inland waterways on my own account.   So I am very well known and, I like to think, well regarded  not only in the village but also through the large and widespread canal community. Coming out to all these many hundreds of people seemed to be a fearsome step to take, something I wasn’t sure I could manage.   I could of course always ‘cut and run’ by selling up, moving to a nice little house in a pleasant town somewhere, presenting myself immediately as Trines.  This way, I would not suffer any ridicule or shunning by people I knew. True. But the whole purpose of my fully transitioning was to be able to lead a full, entertaining and social life as Trines and to be accepted by and join in with my local community. If I moved away, I would not be known and, as an obvious transwoman, I would not make many new friends at all,.  I would be facing a rather lonely remainder of my life.   I didn’t struggle with this decision for very long, I bit the bullet and decided to openly disclose to my village; if it all went disastrously wrong then moving away would be my ‘Plan B’.   Family unity is so important to me I discussed every proposed step with my children and took on board all their suggestions. The doctor already knew, was professionally bound to secrecy and had got the NHS fully on side.   My next step was the vicar. I do have faith but for reasons I will not go into here had never attended the local church except for the occasional wedding and funeral. I knew her well through secular dealings and she had been fantastic over my wife’s funeral. I met her in male mode, told her I would like to start attending church services, that I wouldn’t mind singing in the choir (I knew they were desperately short and had no male voices at all) but there was just one tiny thing, I would be coming as a woman!  She was of course amazed by the news (my male persona is exceptionally masculine), bowled over by my photo’s and couldn’t wait to meet the real me which she did a few days later.   She was all for Trines being an active member of her congregation, brought her wardens confidentially on board for briefing on transgender matters so they could counsel any stroppy church members and got her bishop’s backing she could tell anyone who couldn’t freely accept me to clear off and find a different religion!  A target date of the first week in June was set and until then I would attend church and sing in the choir as a man and she would subliminally prepare everyone by seeding suitable comments about accepting and loving everyone regardless of their differences in the texts of her sermons, bidding prayers and in the Village News!   This now left me free to concentrate on my information leaflet. I had decided I would, the week before my transition, go round in drab to see every one of my friends and important acquaintances and tell them what I was proposing to do, show them some current and very historic photos if they wanted to see them, hope I could rely on their acceptance and continued friendship and leave them with an informative and illustrated leaflet which they could pass on to others if they wished.  This leaflet went through 6 or 7 draft stages and I was careful to include  things my children wanted said. I had 250 of these professionally printed on top quality, thick, glossy bi-folded A4  paper so they could easily withstand being passed around:- (if the type is too small to read, zoom in by pressing 'Ctrl' & '+' together):-   So the last week in May, the week before ‘D-Day’, arrived!   I went round telling all my friends and left them with a leaflet. I saw each pub licensee, leaving  half a dozen copies behind the bar as I was bound to be the village scandal for a few days and also got their promises that if any Neanderthals objected to my presence it would be them asked to leave the pub and not me. I had also booked a personal conference that week with my marina owner and his general manager. They had been on tenterhooks for weeks, fearful I was retiring or moving away. They seemed almost relieved when I told them Tony was becoming Trines, it was almost “Is that all? Thank God for that!” Subject to a private preview of the new me they were, as friends as well as equal opportunity employers, happy for me to continue in the role for them, dealing with the public. I’ve had to have new female uniforms bespoken as nothing off the peg was long enough and I made sure everything hugs my breast, waist and hips shapewear tightly. The office girls are green with envy as I look rather voluptuous and sexy—they have already demanded the same made to measure facility!   That Sunday I was not in church as I was managing the marina. The vicar took the opportunity of telling the congregation about me, how from the following week I would always be Trines,  and apparently spoke so beautifully and movingly on transgenderism  and why I should be embraced by them all,  there were quite a few damp eyes in the house. The wardens distributed my leaflets afterwards.    D - Day ! and its Aftermath   The following Monday, 1st June, Trines made her first public appearance in the village and Tony has never been seen since (except of course a couple of times down in London with the grandchildren).   Against all my fears and trepidation my public disclosure and transition has been an absolutely unbelievable success, beyond my wildest dreams.  I had told myself that if I could retain the goodwill of perhaps a third of my friends then that would be a good and acceptable result, making staying in the village worthwhile.  30%?  It’s greater than 100% as I now have more friends than before because of my transition!   People I’ve not seen before but who have read my leaflet or heard about me have been coming up in the street or pub to shake my hand, commend my bravery and to wish me luck!  I’ve had a rather nasty and emergency operation recently and news of this spread with the result that people, many of them my ’new’ friends, were falling over themselves, offering to drive me to and from hospital or to meet family at Rugby station and take them to visit me—a round trip of about 50 miles!   All my neighbours and friends are still very friendly, I can’t accept all the invites round for coffee etc, there are too many of them. I’m really welcome at church and am possibly the only lady bass in a church choir in the country! The church has put me on their fete committee and wants me to be the PA announcer and dog show commentator at the next one. I continue to work at the marina with no adverse feedback whatsoever from the public. I’ve recently been in charge of safety at the big annual historic boat rally, we get thousands of visitors each day, and had to go round telling loads of boat skippers and others what to do  (it’s like herding cats with them) - they all know me from previous years but if anything they were all nicer, friendlier and more compliant than they’ve ever been!  My boat training business has not dropped off in the slightest, no-one gives my transition a second thought when I inform them. The Twinning Association has asked me to prepare and present their next fund-raising quiz (a big annual event in the village). I’m cast in the next Players’ production, rehearsals start in September.  I’m very welcome in all four pubs and am never short of someone to chat to. I’ve been elected a member of a small, rather exclusive group of ladies who meet every few weeks to cattily swap the latest gossip and scandal whilst getting hammered on G&T!  I have even been asked if I would like to help out at the community-owned tea shop, serving coffee, cakes and conversation to villagers and passing boaters - which I will do after my current convalescence.   If anything my social life as Trines is better than it was for that person I used to be (what was his name?) and it wasn’t bad for him, so much so I think I am losing the need to meet up with my other trans friends as much as I used to. After all, there is nothing so satisfying as being accepted and socialised by ’normal’ people for the girl you are. I shall of course still get to Pink Punters occasionally as I will to Outskirts in Birmingham and come Hell or High Water I am definitely getting to Sparkle next year after it was so cruelly snatched from me this year by a cancerous tumour.   Those of you who’ve managed not to nod off but are still reading this and possibly thinking of transitioning yourselves at some time in the future, might like to have my views on why I think my public disclosure has been so successful.   1. I decided to brazen it out in the locality where I lived and was known, rather than move to a new location. Had it been necessary to move first then I might have delayed my local transition for a year or two so that I could get to know a fair number of people as a man. That would not, of course, have stopped me cross-dressing at home or from going out further afield in female mode.   2. I was well established and well-known in the locality, joined in community activities and, always trying to be a nice guy, I think I was generally well liked. Whilst having to come to terms with a friend’s transgenderism must be more difficult the better someone has known the person as a man, I think there may be that little more pressure to do so because they are a friend; if they were not or hardly known then, to avoid embarrassment or other difficulties I think people might be tempted to more or less ignore the trans, giving perhaps just a smile if meeting in the street.   3. I took my time and planned well!  I had been dressing almost every day since May 2014 at home and when out sight-seeing, shopping or socialising with other trans in towns near and far. I only presented as a man locally when I had to eg for a social function in my village or when I was working in the marina. By the end of the year the urge to go 24/7 was stronger than ever and I realised I had no option but to go for it and disclosed to my GP to get the GIC on my case. I then gave myself 6 months to prepare for ‘D-Day’ (‘Disclosure Day’).   Most reputable websites advise taking disclosure very slowly, telling only a few now, a few more in a couple of weeks and so on. This would not have suited my circumstances. It would have been highly confusing for villagers - and for me - to see me switching between Trines and Tony on a daily basis; it would have to be all, and this would be on 1st June. I brought the vicar on board for genuine reasons but she also was a sounding-board; if she and her wardens had been decidedly ‘iffy’ about it all I probably would have sounded out again with a friend on whom I could rely for discretion or possibly have decided to switch to Plan B (ie ‘cut & run’).   4. I prepared and distributed an information leaflet.   I had tremendously complimentary feedback; many thought this had been a master-stroke. Even a lot of my better educated friends confessed to knowing little or nothing about transgenderism despite the number of high profile cases reported in the press over recent months. They said they thought they would have been much less sympathetic over my situation and proposed actions had they not been able to read and think about it. Some said they would have simply put me down as a ’perv’!  My history dating back to age 4 was genuinely eye-opening to them and made them really want to help me through my transition. It also worked on people who did not know me.  I distributed just under 250 but I know a lot were passed around and perhaps some 500 villagers or more have seen and been quite affected by it. I strongly recommend anyone thinking of transitioning to prepare a similar leaflet.   5. Once I publicly transitioned I really ‘put myself about’.  I realised I would need to socialise as much as I could to reinforce my presence as Trines in the village and to get villagers talking to me. I made sure I visited each pub each week at a peak time. I attended village do’s, some of which I would never have gone to previously, just to make sure I was seen and for the chance to chat to others. I went on more walks around the village, canal and marina in order to meet lots of others. I invited many to my place for a coffee and chat which they either agreed to or invited me to theirs instead.  I will take this up again as soon as my convalescence permits me and rather nicely, I’ve had quite a few offers to mow my lawns and do other heavy household chores.   The inhabitants of my village have really come up trumps; their generosity of spirit has been truly humbling particularly when you consider that at 6ft 3in without heels (and I always wear heels!) a large, wide frame and a profoundly deep voice, I cannot easily 'pass'.   Whether, in view of my cancer, I will ever be allowed feminising hormones or will ever be offered re-assignment surgery has now paled into insignificance for me now that I am living and being widely accepted as the person I am.   I sincerely hope all other girls who publicly transition have family, friends and neighbours as lovely as mine to deal with.   All my love   x x  
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